Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

[Alessandra1992]

@SCORPION
well that puts a different perspective on Bionic Man..and you went for a bike ride... chronic pain...how do you manage it? I do hope one day something allows you to sleep more comfortably...does listening to radio help at all?

[PeppiPatty]

Hi Karen

You don't need to do anything sweetheart.......it will just happen......just be yourself. day at a time an one day......you will think.....oh, I haven't put myself down for a few days.....
Your girls will be fine my friend. They have their own little personalities and their own little lives that they find their own little experiences in.
It's about a day at a time and see here, your already showing care to others!!

[kristin]

Hi Karen,

Definitely a lot better thanks 🙂 No more decaf coffee for me at art (or anyhwere else!) I'm pretty sure that's what caused it. I went for a river walk late morning, it was beautiful but a bit chilly because the trees shade most of the path along the river. I had planned to go after school drop-off but had to get my car mirror replaced (yay, not!).

Take care of you my friend.

Kind regards, Kristin

PS Sorry to hear about the guy at school Awful. XX

[hiddenite]

My case worker and psychologist want me back in the mhu.
they are forcing me into a corner with no way out. Such a fine line im walking.
Just because they cannot work out how to help me doesn't mean the mhu is a solution.

[Former-Member]

That sounds really frightening for you. My experience of being in hospital wasnt a traumatic one, it did help. I was able to change medications safely and finally get some (very medicated) sleep after a long time of one hour a day of sleep. It wasn't a pleasant experience, and it certainly didnt resolve any of the larger issues. But in terms of changing medications (and the initial recovery from the attempt i took to end my life) it was... ok. There was no therapuetic interventions at all in the month that i was there. But i was abe to rest. I do hear you saying that you do not want to be there and especially after your recent experience and I hope that you can find a way to move forward in your healing with support with out it but If you do go back to MHU it isnt the end of anything. Try to treat it as a break and rest if you can. Here with you listening though. Can you choose to go somewhere different to last time? My experience may also have been differenta s being in the country it was 'just a hospital bed' not sure if that is different. I was lucky that they didnt transfer me though, i think my family situation and the fact that i had so few people in my life and for my children too maeant that they didnt.

here listening and understanding the fear.

LJ

[kristin]

Oh no Karen, that is so awful. Do they not understand this is just making you sicker? Are you able to tell them it is making you worse?

Thinking of you my friend. I'll keep that candle burning. Holding you and the girls in my prayers.

I managed a river walk this morning, the sun was lovely although the breeze off the river was quite brisk so I didn't last long. Came home and met with my (new) MH worker. Last term I decided to move across to Neami, and I'm pleased I did too. Meeting a friend first thing tomorrow after school drop-off for a chat and prayers, then hopefully time for a river walk before meeting with my Anglicare family support worker.

Hope for helpul help endures...

Kindest regards, 

Kristin

[kristin]

@hiddenite 

Thinking of you Karen, holding you in my prayers. Asking for an outpouring of grace for you and your girls. Desperately needed, much deserved. I hope you are still at home.

The river was a bit chilly in Warby this morning, no sunshine - it makes such a difference.

Hope for the river's soothing sounds endures...

Kindest regards, 

Kristin

[hiddenite]

Hi Kristin
sitting at the river can see them rebuilding the bridge.
ive been told they want me to see another group of psychiatrist to get a definite idea of what is wrong with me.
Which means another intense set of interviews reliving the trauma.
I'm not strong enough.
But as they said nothing is working and they don't know what to do.
Hopeless.

Thinking of you.

thanks for the support lj

take care
karen

[hiddenite]

I just want peace

[kristin]

Dear Karen,

Unfortunately I didn't get to the river today. I had a couple of appointments including with my psych. Hopefully I will make it tomorrow afternoon.

The bridge work has been going a while now, my 6yo is fascinated and even knows the names of the two bridges. There's an Anzac parade tomorrow at my little one's school and she wants me to come and watch her reading her "bit" (about horses, because she loves them, though of course it doesn't mention them being killed - more's the pity). I really hate the way that war gets sanitised and then glorified. I have been explaining to her that there are no winners in war - even the "victorious" country(ies) have horrible losses. She does know that one of the things which made her dad so unwell was fighting in the Vietnam war.

I really wonder what is wrong with these so-called MH professionals that they don't get this stuff. Part of what's wrong "with you" is actually that the mental health system is currently doing a great job at persistently re-traumatising you. I guess them admitting they don't know what to do is something positive in a way, but I really think they are clueless. You must be dreading it. When is that supposed to start?

I know this stuff feels overwhelming and hopeless at the moment but you know you've actually got stronger over your time here on the forum, and somewhere there is a real light and an end to this long dark tunnel you and your girls have been going through. Until that light shines I will keep lighting a candle, and holding you in my prayers.

Take care of you my friend.

Hope for living in the light endures...

Kindest regards, 

Kristin