Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

[hiddenite]

Hi Kristin

the girls have their first appointment today with the Australian Childhood Foundation. It's going to be a difficult day.
I see my psychiatrist on Wednesday and the treating team on Friday. I'm so worried and anxious.
I loiked up my rights pretty much if I refuse treatment they will make me.
all this makes me feel threatened and backed into a corner.

I agree with what you think about anzac day I hope your little girl goes ok reading her part.
I hope that you are managing ok
take care
karen

[Former-Member]

I hope the girls appointment went ok, did they come home ok afterwards or were they a bit unsettled? New things always unsettle my lil guy. I have a psychiatrist appt next wednesday too... that i'm also extremelynervous about as well (my GP asked if i would go back into hospital for a few days yesterday 😞 to which i said it wasnt necessary because it really isnt right now!). 

Im sorry you feel trapped with the mental health peoples... they just dont listen properly. Is there someone you can take with you who you trust, and can tell them and explain what you want so that they can help to advocate for you in the appointments... i find i get so tongue tied and anxious in front of 'authority figures' that i'll agree to anything to get out of there faster... and because i'm terrified of people being angry with me if i dare to disagree or heaven forbid utter the word starting with an n and ending with an o. 

So glad that you post here, I see a lot of similarities between us and it helps me feel so much less alone in this strange world. 

@kristin good luck for you lil girl! hope it goes ok for her!

LJ

[kristin]

Good for you Karen taking the girls. I hope they (and you) got through that ok. I agree with @Former-Member sometimes that can be very unsettling for kids - or adults - especially in the short-term. In time if the trauma is worked through effectively and gently at a rate which isn't too overwhelming it can be very helpful. I hope it is for your girls. It is very courageous of you to be working with this for them, because it will inevitably bring up a lot for you which is very painful. You are such a good mum.

I can understand why you are worried and anxious. Lisajane is right - you really need someone to advocate for you. I'd suggest VMIAC but I think they are both guys out our way, but I have sent an email to Daniel (who I've spoken to before about other issues) and asked if they have any women working in the advocacy area. I will let you know if I hear anything back. Any wonder you feel frightened and backed into a corner.

My little girl did beautifully reading her part, she remembered to use a loud clear voice and speak slowly, butterflies and all. I'm very proud of her. I managed to squeeze in a walk along the rail trail with a friend this morning between drop-off and the ceremony. It was great to get out, the weather was kind and it was lovely to catch up because it's been a couple of months - we've both had so much going on.

Thanks, I am managing ok at the moment.Things have settled down a bit for me thankfully - I am even catching up on a bit of the sleep deficit finally. My teenagers did the mowing and whipper-snippering this afternoon which was lovely. My 18yo came up from his dad's yesterday to help out. I feel very grateful for it, and it was lovely to see them working together - the camaraderie. My 18yo showed my 13yo how to use the mower. They've done a great job. 

Take care of you.

Hope for an advocate when we need help endures...

Kindest regards,

Kristin

[Former-Member]

Hi Karen @hiddenite 

I have been thinking of you today, how are you and the girls today? We've had a busy day... i'm looking forward to school and kindy going back this week... though i know it'll be a few weeks before my little guy gets settled back in ok.

LJ

[kristin]

Hi @Former-Member 

I hope that goes well, and that you get some much needed head-space now. I always find it such a relief when they go back to school. I love them dearly but I find it a real struggle when they are here all day every day wanting my attention and needing my help. 

Take care of you.

Kind regards, 

Kristin

[kristin]

Dear Karen @hiddenite 

I hope your weekend was okay. Extra challenging when the kids are distressed or unsettled. You've had so much to deal with.

I meant to go for my river walk this morning; but yesterday afternoon I had a some realisations about my childhood that meant I needed to come straight home. More came on the drive back, I cried all the way. I'm just too triggered to stop off, so I've put in a call to my psych. She's not working today but I'm sure she'll call me back. Hopefully soon. I am absolutely freezing, something I get a lot when I am feeling distressed or abandoned.

I've made myself a cup of lovely herbal tea (a special mix a friend made for me) with honey, and I'm sitting with my wheat pack up my jumper. If that's not enough I might even light the fire - just for me - now we actually have more than 20 pieces!

Take care of you my friend.

Hope for calm amidst the storm endures...

Kindest regards, 

Kristin

[hiddenite]

Hi Kristin
sounds like you've had a really distressing day. I'm so sorry you are hurting. I hope your psych got back to you.
The girls have been so distressed over the weekend my six year old keeps lashing out at me punching me in the face.
I spent the day at the rive by the bridge. I had to ring lifeline twice I am so distressed and overwhelmed. I don't think I can keep my plan I made with them.
After a phone call from my husband mum telling me that if I had made him happy he wouldn't have died.
and that I deserve everything he did to me. That I also deserve what is happening to me now.

There are no words.

my thoughts are with you and while im sitting by the river tomorrow I hope that you are ok.
oh and keeping warm I was freezing today.
Please take care
light a candle and sit by the warmth of the fire you are not alone , I will be sitting with you holding your hand and know I will still be with you in the morningand that I never let go.
Karen

[hiddenite]

Hi Lj
hoping your little boy settled in ok.
thank you for thinking of me. My thoughts are never far from the kind caring compassionate people here who are so brave and show untold strength.
Take care
Karen

[Former-Member]

dear Karen @hiddenite and @kristin ,

You are both hurting today and im sorry for that. I can only say that i am here and understanding the places that you are both. Earlier this year something happened that triggered so many memories that i still cant deal with at all and left me in a really horrible place. I just want to say to Karen i really want you to hold on because your girls truly need you. You alone understand them and what they've been though and are the best person to lead them through the hurts. Keep talking here if it helps at all. Phone Lifeline back if you are feeling like you cant keep to the promise you made. Get the support you need right now to ensure your girls have their mama. (i'm mama to my kids when they're tired/sad)

LJ

[Baboo]

Hiddenite- I dont think that phone call you got was very productive at all - sorry if im butting in here too- im glad you make contact with lifeline, i think their workers are brilliant- i have called them before and found i just ranted on and on- felt better then ended the call. lol the worker on the other end of the line didnt have to say any thing except for listening noises like " ah yes"

I hope you dont take too much offence to what other people say- its hard, but their opinion of you is none of our business if its not positive and helpful 😉