Frank Discussion of BPD: *WARNING* May be confronting

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member @soul

I am doing schema therapy. Although my anger issues have affected others in the past I'm talking isolated incidents rather than a repeated behaviour pattern. i don't have to work on anger to others as such but self hate it a big one. It's still a work in progress. I am enrolled to do DBT again which I know takes strength and dedication to see the results. I'm sorry I'm not much more help. 

[Former-Member]

Oh when I said I found him having an affair and he blamed his mother.. I didn't mean in a freudian way.. ie blame his mother because of childhood scarring.. I mean he blamed his mother...  He said it was her fault for letting the woman into the house.  @soul  @Former-Member

[Former-Member]

It's all good @Former-Member. I'm now off for the night. 💜🤗😴😴😴😴

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member  that's a great deal of help,  when you feel up to it.. (you might be tired now)  could you explain how those therapies work and if you are getting any benefits?

[Ali585]

Sure... it's kind of hard to describe. But I'll have a go.

For comparison sake - this is what I wrote when I first joined this forum about some my experiences that were not good (https://mifa.saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/experiences-of-stigma-for-BPD/m-p/56471)

The psychiatrist I have is trained in MBT but we never really do anything that feels like a particular technique. The thing I love about MBT is that it starts with empathy. Genuine empathy and not the fake/pretend rubbish that some people do. My doctor really wants to understand what is going on for me and why I feel the way that I do. But not like someone with a microscope wanting to understand or diagnose the problem so they can "fix" it/me. But to understand that yes I might see the world differently to everyone else but it's real to me... We still look at alternative view points and how i might be misinterpreting or overreacting* (*my term not hers) and looking to minimise this and the discomfort it causes me. through looking at mentalising as a skill - once that i never learnt properly growing up. But we do it in a way that i don't feel like there is something "wrong" or "bad" about me. 

[Former-Member]

goodnight @Former-Member  and really appreciated your input. Please return and vent here on anything to do with whatever you are confronting and perhaps we can learn from each other.  Understanding the other side and also seeing the differences between your attitude vs my "ex" would help me a great deal and maybe you explaining it might help you.

Thanks again and sleep well.

🙂

[Former-Member]

I edited my post a few back on blaming MI @Former-Member. I think it was a little too black and white. 

[Former-Member]

@Ali585  Thank you so much for sharing the link to your story and also what you have added just now. Yes I see exactly how that would work because it seems to address the issues so crucial in BPD.  I'm so please that you have found great support because it seems when you first joined that was far from the case.

It must be great to have now found a "niche" that has enabled you to gain some insight.  I am assuming this is helping you?  How much difference say a rough % do you think it has made and how long have you been doing it?

And can I ask one thing, do you feel empathy?  or is that a problem for you?  My understanding is that BPD sufferers have a heightened element of empathy in some situations but in others they can't feel it so well because their emotions wash over them. In your case what would you say?

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member  I think what is important is understanding.  Multiple levels of understanding yes, but since I can only control what goes in and out of my personal understanding, that is where I am trying to focus. I believe my healing started when I sought understanding. So while my story and experiences might read as tragic or sad or frustrating or well anything, I am long passed that.  I dealt with it because it was taking me and keeping me in an abyss I couldn't get out of.

So now it's just purely trying to understand and thankfully most of the emotion has been separated from the intellectual. It took a long long long time to do that, but I have managed it and I am proud of myself for managing it because I know how hard I worked to get to where I am.

I am rarely proud of myself for anything I achieve, but this one, I am because I know what it took.

So don't be infuriated for me... be happy my little funshiney friend!  We can learn together now. 🙂

[Appleblossom]

I think that being diagnosed with BPD and being a partner of someone diagnosed shows very different viewpoints. @Former-Member I believe its an important discussion you began.

In some ways I some similar experiences with my ex, though he was diagnosed with schizophrenia. He was not suicidal but manipulative with therapists, frequently running them down to me, and not taking personal growth or therapuetic change seriously. His aim seemed to endlessly play one up on them, which shocked me, and then he turned that attitude on me when I became somewhat dependent and disabled.

My close relationship with a person with BPD was as a sister. I can assure you my brother did suffer and after 15 years of attempts and graphic, partly attention-seeking self harm, he did complete suicide at the age of 33.

I respect your training and work-history @Ali585 It has been a long time since you posted.

I think it is an important discussion as I feel my brother's death was not necessary and the treatment dished out to him partly based on stigma and an inadequate understanding of trauma and attachment issues.

I believe the type of relationship we have with a diagnosed person makes a big difference on our understanding  eg., a "love" SPOUSAL "or family" sibling child parent etc.

Anyway just trying to extend discussion.

Not sure if you have a diagnosis @Former-Member