Skip to main content

Forums

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,232,221Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

Frank Discussion of BPD: *WARNING* May be confronting

Re: Frank Discussion of BPD: *WARNING* May be confronting

I'm replying via email because I can't look through this at the moment @Former-Member

I am really happy for you Tooky, that you've arrived at this place. I am sorry if it wasn't helpful for me to feel that for you. I guess once again it's a reminder for me of the importance of remembering our own experiences will always differ from others. 

I am definitely not at that place right now and can only try and hope that I might be back there one day. I am super struggling right now and kicking myself that I didn't get out of here earlier. I thought I was ready but clearly I am not. My bad though and a good forum lesson.

Re: Frank Discussion of BPD: *WARNING* May be confronting

@Former-Member  oh I didn't mean it wasn't helpful.. no no not at all...   it is helpful for me... because it validates the hell I went through and it is lovely to know someone else sees the turmoil that went with it. 

I just don't want that to affect you, because I want us in a happy place now.  I don't want anything or anyone victimised by him anymore, directly or indirectly.  If you can understand what I mean.  He has done enough damage and I don't want him ever to influence me or anybody I know ever again.

Re: Frank Discussion of BPD: *WARNING* May be confronting

what difference has it made? I'm back at work full time and coping, have stable friendships, havent cut or thought about suicide in over 12 months. and generally feel "good" most of the time. I still get upset easily but better at calming down and moving on. Off a lot of my medications - and the main reason I'm still on some is because it was just going to be too many changes at once to move and re-start work and increase working hours and change meds at the same time.

 

i guess i've always been what I would call empathy. In some cases empathy has almost gotten in the way - focusing on the other person's needs to the negelect of my own. 

 

MBT looks at something called mentalising. Which has shown me that I'm not always great at knowing what the other persons emotions/thoughts might be. so while i'm empathising with what i think theyre feeling it gets a bit confused if i get it wrong. sorry its a bit of a confusing topic. 

 

so for example if i get to work tomorrow and my boss says - "you look tired today" 

he hasn't said why he has said that - but i would have to infer meaning based on his words, tone and expression. and based on previous knowledge of him as a person.and my experiences with people in general.

so my immediate impulse interpretation is usually something like that he is annoyed/frustrated. 

but working through it there are many options

- i could be right he could be annoyed

 - he could just be making conversation

- he could be concerned about my welfare

- he could be empathising with me because it is friday tomorrow!

etc...

and generally we asses this and make a decision as to which option is correct without consciously thinking about it

 

MBT helps me to work through the options in a slower way. not just focusing on the option thats easiest or makes me happier. but looking at which option is more likely. because my initial thought could be right...and then looking at what to do with that information. 

sorry its hard to explain.

 

And i'm going to go to bed now - before i end up having that conversation with my boss for real tomorrow.

 

 

 

Re: Frank Discussion of BPD: *WARNING* May be confronting

I seriously appreciate the way you're able to articulate things @Former-Member and what you're saying makes sense.

I guess that even though we probably share experiences, we're in two completely different places at the moment. I can't help but be affected by this stuff because of where I am. I own that and take responsibility for not listening to my warning signs earlier.

Re: Frank Discussion of BPD: *WARNING* May be confronting

I'm sorry to hear about your brother @Appleblossom 

I also wrote this post earlier tonight (https://mifa.saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/thoughts-about-being-chronically-suicidal/m-p/...) don't know if you saw it.

I cannot say enough how grateful i am that i got "lucky" and ended up with the person I am seeing now. 

And then i get angry thinking about how I was diagnosed 13 years before i was given this treatment option - and then only by "luck"

And then I get sad thinking of everyone who is out there suffering )patients and those around them) because these evidence based treatments are so impossible to access.

 

 

Re: Frank Discussion of BPD: *WARNING* May be confronting

@Appleblossom  the only formal psychiatric diagnosis my ex had was histrionic, bipolar, BPD and a couple of other things thrown in.. in other words I don't think even they knew.  If that is what you meant, but I have a feeling you didn't.

I'm so sorry about your siblings.  That's such a sad unnecessary waste and adds to the importance of correct diagnosis and development of real therapies that can help. And to assist in the stigma attached to a legitimate diagnosis.

Re: Frank Discussion of BPD: *WARNING* May be confronting

lol @Ali585  and thankyou.  That was a briliiant, insightful explanation and I am deeply appreciative of it.  That really gives me a lot of understanding both of the process you innately used and how your therapy is/has retrained you to process. 

And yes, empathy would be a difficult area to explain but I think you did a great job of that and I'm pretty sure you were very clear in clarifying your thoughts and feelings of it. Thankyou for that also.

Re: Frank Discussion of BPD: *WARNING* May be confronting

@Former-Member I think you are right .. they were not sure what was going on... he certainly sounded immature and difficult.  Glad you have moved on. It has taken me a while to move on from my last relationship as I wanted to be VERY thorough in working through all the issues.

Thanks for starting this discussion .. @Former-Member Smiley Happy

I tend to agree that the DSM ought focus on PTSD and CPTSD and develop more comprehensive scales

Empathy is tricky. Some people identify as empaths but wouldnt have a clue in relating to me and my life situations. That tends to take people with similar experiences with at least some capacity to think ourside of their own point of view.

I like your outline of the concept of mentalising. @Ali585

Re: Frank Discussion of BPD: *WARNING* May be confronting

@Former-Member - are you still around?

Re: Frank Discussion of BPD: *WARNING* May be confronting

@Appleblossom  yes I was so thorough it gave me PTSD.  I was too thorough.  But in the other way I wasn't because I didn't take my intuition seriously enough and let his rabbit hole behaviour consume me to the point of falling into the abyss.

Now I know what Nietzsche meant when he warned of looking into the abyss because the abyss looks back into you. It very nearly cost me my sanity and my life.

My favourites

Members feature!Log in to add spaces, events and discussions to your favourites.

Resources
Guidelines and technical support

All guidelines and technical support

Crisis support

SANE services are not designed for crisis support. If you require immediate support, please contact one of the service providers below.

Members online

No one is online right now. Hold tight and someone will be along soon.