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24 Mar 2017 12:29 AM
24 Mar 2017 12:29 AM
I'm replying via email because I can't look through this at the moment @Former-Member
I am really happy for you Tooky, that you've arrived at this place. I am sorry if it wasn't helpful for me to feel that for you. I guess once again it's a reminder for me of the importance of remembering our own experiences will always differ from others.
I am definitely not at that place right now and can only try and hope that I might be back there one day. I am super struggling right now and kicking myself that I didn't get out of here earlier. I thought I was ready but clearly I am not. My bad though and a good forum lesson.
24 Mar 2017 12:41 AM - edited 24 Mar 2017 12:43 AM
24 Mar 2017 12:41 AM - edited 24 Mar 2017 12:43 AM
@Former-Member oh I didn't mean it wasn't helpful.. no no not at all... it is helpful for me... because it validates the hell I went through and it is lovely to know someone else sees the turmoil that went with it.
I just don't want that to affect you, because I want us in a happy place now. I don't want anything or anyone victimised by him anymore, directly or indirectly. If you can understand what I mean. He has done enough damage and I don't want him ever to influence me or anybody I know ever again.
24 Mar 2017 12:47 AM
24 Mar 2017 12:47 AM
what difference has it made? I'm back at work full time and coping, have stable friendships, havent cut or thought about suicide in over 12 months. and generally feel "good" most of the time. I still get upset easily but better at calming down and moving on. Off a lot of my medications - and the main reason I'm still on some is because it was just going to be too many changes at once to move and re-start work and increase working hours and change meds at the same time.
i guess i've always been what I would call empathy. In some cases empathy has almost gotten in the way - focusing on the other person's needs to the negelect of my own.
MBT looks at something called mentalising. Which has shown me that I'm not always great at knowing what the other persons emotions/thoughts might be. so while i'm empathising with what i think theyre feeling it gets a bit confused if i get it wrong. sorry its a bit of a confusing topic.
so for example if i get to work tomorrow and my boss says - "you look tired today"
he hasn't said why he has said that - but i would have to infer meaning based on his words, tone and expression. and based on previous knowledge of him as a person.and my experiences with people in general.
so my immediate impulse interpretation is usually something like that he is annoyed/frustrated.
but working through it there are many options
- i could be right he could be annoyed
- he could just be making conversation
- he could be concerned about my welfare
- he could be empathising with me because it is friday tomorrow!
etc...
and generally we asses this and make a decision as to which option is correct without consciously thinking about it
MBT helps me to work through the options in a slower way. not just focusing on the option thats easiest or makes me happier. but looking at which option is more likely. because my initial thought could be right...and then looking at what to do with that information.
sorry its hard to explain.
And i'm going to go to bed now - before i end up having that conversation with my boss for real tomorrow.
24 Mar 2017 12:51 AM
24 Mar 2017 12:51 AM
24 Mar 2017 12:54 AM
24 Mar 2017 12:54 AM
I'm sorry to hear about your brother @Appleblossom
I also wrote this post earlier tonight (https://mifa.saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/thoughts-about-being-chronically-suicidal/m-p/...) don't know if you saw it.
I cannot say enough how grateful i am that i got "lucky" and ended up with the person I am seeing now.
And then i get angry thinking about how I was diagnosed 13 years before i was given this treatment option - and then only by "luck"
And then I get sad thinking of everyone who is out there suffering )patients and those around them) because these evidence based treatments are so impossible to access.
24 Mar 2017 12:57 AM
24 Mar 2017 12:57 AM
@Appleblossom the only formal psychiatric diagnosis my ex had was histrionic, bipolar, BPD and a couple of other things thrown in.. in other words I don't think even they knew. If that is what you meant, but I have a feeling you didn't.
I'm so sorry about your siblings. That's such a sad unnecessary waste and adds to the importance of correct diagnosis and development of real therapies that can help. And to assist in the stigma attached to a legitimate diagnosis.
24 Mar 2017 01:08 AM
24 Mar 2017 01:08 AM
lol @Ali585 and thankyou. That was a briliiant, insightful explanation and I am deeply appreciative of it. That really gives me a lot of understanding both of the process you innately used and how your therapy is/has retrained you to process.
And yes, empathy would be a difficult area to explain but I think you did a great job of that and I'm pretty sure you were very clear in clarifying your thoughts and feelings of it. Thankyou for that also.
24 Mar 2017 01:22 AM
24 Mar 2017 01:22 AM
@Former-Member I think you are right .. they were not sure what was going on... he certainly sounded immature and difficult. Glad you have moved on. It has taken me a while to move on from my last relationship as I wanted to be VERY thorough in working through all the issues.
Thanks for starting this discussion .. @Former-Member
I tend to agree that the DSM ought focus on PTSD and CPTSD and develop more comprehensive scales
Empathy is tricky. Some people identify as empaths but wouldnt have a clue in relating to me and my life situations. That tends to take people with similar experiences with at least some capacity to think ourside of their own point of view.
I like your outline of the concept of mentalising. @Ali585
24 Mar 2017 01:28 AM
24 Mar 2017 01:28 AM
24 Mar 2017 01:31 AM
24 Mar 2017 01:31 AM
@Appleblossom yes I was so thorough it gave me PTSD. I was too thorough. But in the other way I wasn't because I didn't take my intuition seriously enough and let his rabbit hole behaviour consume me to the point of falling into the abyss.
Now I know what Nietzsche meant when he warned of looking into the abyss because the abyss looks back into you. It very nearly cost me my sanity and my life.
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