Frank Discussion of BPD: *WARNING* May be confronting

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member  again, this is where you differ from my "BPD" ex.. he never had real SI, but oooooh did he use it for emotional blackmail and he knew exactly what he was doing.  Hence his manipulative nature.  He used it to get what he wanted and at first I fell for it.  It resulted in the worst night of my life once, and I later found out he made the whole thing up!

[soul]

He tried medication and therapy. Said he didn't like the drugs and that the therapist was crap. I've read that people with BPD often don't do well at therapy because as soon as the counsellor says something they don't agree wth, they quit.

What has been the experience of others who have undergone therapy? And how do BPD people calm themselves in the height of anxiety/ frustration to stop it from becoming anger and violence?

[Former-Member]

@soul  my ex would not take the blame for anything.  I mean nothing.   He even blamed his mother when I caught him having an affair once.

[Former-Member]

So sorry @Former-Member. I didn't get to respond to you but wanted to thank you for taking the time to read it. I'm getting better with it now. 

Thank you and @Former-Member for your really supportive responses. I think it helps to have these conversations but know it gets really hard too as we dig deeper for it. 

I think it's interesting that both @Former-Member, @soul had such difficult relationships with men with BPD. I guess I saw it that mostly women were diagnosed. For me my lashing out was only ever verbal but I'm ashamed of it now. It was lots of high pitched blaming with little control. Once you have that parroted back by your kids you sit up and take notice. 

 Think I'm going to head off too.  I hope you all have a peaceful night.

@Former-Member I'm a bit worried you were triggered. Are you ok? 

[soul]

No matter what the situation, he would somehow find a way to twist it and become the victim. He would be hypersensitive. We would be walking down the street and he would say something like "Did you see how that guy looked at me?"  I would greet a neighbour and suddenly I was having an affair with him.

If that's how BPD's minds work it must be hell.

[soul]

If I tried to ofer an excuse for some perceived injustice, I was accused of not having his back.

[Former-Member]

"What has been the experience of others who have undergone therapy? And how do BPD people calm themselves in the height of anxiety/ frustration to stop it from becoming anger and violence?"

@Ali585and @Former-Member  I'd love your input on these questions @soul asked.  If you could respond some time that would be great.

[Former-Member]

You know @soul @Former-Member BPD or not there is never an excuse for violence or abuse. You can't constantly abuse someone and then blame it on MI and take no responsibility for your actions. There has to be changes made and real work done to change, definitely no lip service or blaming others for your actions. 

[soul]

Thanks for your input @Former-Member. I am really intrigued at how BPD see the world. Perhaps you could offer more insight another time. 

With @Former-Member and myself, the physical violence put a tragic spin on things.

[Former-Member]

That's an excellent point @Former-Member  and that is something I should have thought about long before I did and you just actually saying that so succinctly really brings that home to me.  Thankyou