I can’t cope

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Captain24, how are you doing today? I'm here if you want to chat today! Take care RiverSeal 

[Captain24]

Hey @RiverSeal 

I ended up sleeping really well last night. I didn’t wake up until 10. So that was good. 

I feel refreshed today. I have manage to accomplish a lot this morning. But as the day wears on I’m wearing out. The overwhelm is returning. The anxiety is returning.

This is what has happened for the last few days. I can see a pattern. But I don’t know how to change it. Each morning is getting better. It’s just from lunch onwards.

I don't know what I’m doing wrong. I’m obviously messing something up.

Anyway. How are you? 

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Captain24, glad to hear you feel refreshed today!

I have had a hard with ruminating this weekend and I have had to use coping techniques to get me through. It can come when I least expect it when things are going well and then something happens that triggers it. Recovery is not linear and sometimes we have good days and sometimes we have bad days and that just seems to be how it goes for a lot of people.

I'm a bit cold today and just working away which I enjoy so I'm pretty good thank you.

RiverSeal 

[Captain24]

Sorry you are having a hard time. @RiverSeal 

So just put these down to bad afternoons? My usual coping techniques don’t seem to be working. When I call for help yesterday afternoon they suggested going outside. That did help but I can’t today it’s miserable out there. 

I need to find it in me to keep going and not give in. 

I’m lucky I have a reasonably warm house. I hate the cold. I’m glad you enjoy your work. 

[RiverSeal]

Yeah, @Captain24 sometimes acknowledging our thoughts and sitting with them is all we can do. Coping techniques sometimes don't work and this like bad weather prevents us from going outside where we might feel better. We need to have multiple ways of coping and constantly looking for new ways to cope. 

I sat with my feelings and thoughts last night and had an early night because I'd been using coping techniques all day and I was tired of it. keeping busy is the best thing for me and being involved with lots of things. It's a distraction and it works! I'm planning a yummy dinner too, so I have that on my mind 🙂

You are strong and resilient so keep finding it within you to keep going!

Take care

RiverSeal 

[Captain24]

I’ve decided to not bath my babies so that’s off my list for today. If I get time tomorrow I can do it. If not it has to been done on Saturday anyway before the dog sitters have them. 

I get tired of coping techniques. It can be hard work. It’s good to hear you get tired too. I felt like it meant I wasn’t trying hard enough. 

How do you find the motivation to keep busy? Just looking for suggestions that’s all.

Whats for dinner that’s keeping you interested? 

[RiverSeal]

I watched my life decline for over 20 years and I'm on a roll at the moment and want to keep it going. I experienced isolation for a long time, and I engage with people whenever I can now which costs money, so I work a lot to make it easier. It's just lucky I really enjoy my job which has not always been the case in my life. I want my life to be different to what it used to be permanently so my motivation for that keeps me busy. It's not easy and I carry a lot of baggage so when I stop for a second the rumination and dark thoughts present so it's just better not to stop.

Hope that explains my motivation and happy for you to ask more too @Captain24!

I'm on a diet so I'm having a salad with cos lettuce, chicken, bocconcini cheese, corn and mushrooms with Ceasar dressing. I've joined a gym and trying to ignite my past love for exercise and live a healthier lifestyle. 

RiverSeal 

[Captain24]

I know recovering your life takes time. I’m assuming you started bit by bit to find and use your motivation. That you use the fact that you want to move forward not backwards. 

Im struggling to push through the lack of motivation. I want to get better. I want to be well. Does it get easier? Do I just focus on the end goal? 

Dinner sounds good. I just had boiled pasta with cheese. @RiverSeal 

[RiverSeal]

It does get easier @Captain24 and it's about not thinking about the end game because no one knows what that will be. Rather than tackling each situation as it arises and moving forward and some you win and some you don't. I still have things that happen and if I make a wrong decision everything will change, and I might go backwards. I still face big hurdles in life which are hard for me but that's life.

Pasta with cheese sounds good too! 

RiverSeal 

[Captain24]

So don’t focus on the finish. @RiverSeal. That’s makes sense because it is so far away and doesn’t seem achievable. 

I’m sitting here realising I have heard this before. Sometimes it needs to be pointed out again and again. I am a slow learner. Maybe that’s why it’s taking me so long to recover. To make it to the end. 

Do you still push yourself to the point of being so overwhelmed that you don’t achieve much?