I'm in a nest

[NotLabelDefined]

Hi @CheerBear,

That would have been really unfair if you were forced to change something. But its great your psych will be willing to support you. I wonder if you are allowed to have a support person with you during the meeting, that might help feel more at ease?

According to this government document (opens in new page), the JCA's may be conducted over phone. Im not sure if that would help? The linked document looks like its a guide on how to conduct job capacity assessments, and contains plenty of useful information. Theres heaps of other info online about them too Hopefully the information will make you feel a little less worried about attending the appointment as you will know what to expect.

[Zoe7]

@CheerBear I haven't read any back posts CB but I am sensing that you may need this today...

Sending you strength and light...

Zoe 

[CheerBear]

Thanks again @NotLabelDefined. I will definitely have a look at the document before my psych appointment tomorrow. I'm back to the whole feels like I can't breathe, don't know how to keep on keeping on, too much, can't cope, thing and have 47 minutes to pull myself out of it so I can be a normal person and pick up my fish and bake cupcakes and stuff. I might spend it pacing around the house talking to myself about how much of a joke things seem to be right now. I really do appreciate the info though, and when I'm settled am sure it will be helpful.

Thanks Zoe7 x

[Phoenix_Rising]

Good evening nesters.

@Former-Member I love how @Faith-and-Hope and I magically appeared at the mention of nutella. I'm not sure if you know, but there is a conversation going on in Forum Land at the moment about how we can avoid posts getting missed and how we can help to make new people feel super welcome. Your post made me think that perhaps the solution is to tell new people that if they mention nutella in their post, then they are guaranteed to attract a lot of attention.

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a super tough day. I super hope tomorrow dawns brighter.

@CheerBear it sounds like things are super wonky in your world right now. There was definitely no eye-rolling here. I have been saying for a very long time that if only ONLY I can get some stability, then I truly believe I can unmuddle my muddle. When you keep getting smashed again and again it is so very very difficult to move forward.

I can definitely relate to your angst regarding centrelink. This remains one of my biggest fears - getting called in for a review. I super hope it goes ok for you. I wish you didn't have to deal with this muddle. I wish the systems that are supposed to help were designed in a way that actually did help rather than causing so much more stress. It is not fair that you need to deal with Centrelink and the housing situation. It is not fair that your life got so messy and muddled. It shouldn't have happened. The problem is that it happened, and all the positive reframing in the world won't change the objective fact that it should not have happened. Can you tell that I'm still mad at your psychologist for challenging you on the idea of "should."

I'm glad that Dr. Havetodo and I get to come along to all your appointments. And yes, I DEFINITELY close my eyes during the yucky bits. At least the train ride sounds fun. We can practice our slow breathing and relaxation techniques together on the train. Maybe I will even sneak out of your handbag briefly so that I can look out the window.

I can totally hear how overwhelming everything is right now @CheerBear. Don't forget to yoga will you! Yoga is good for super puddled brains. I think the times when it seems way too hard to be bothered yoga-ing, are the very best times to be yoga-ing.

Don't forget that I am always here, even when I am not. Schrodinger had a cat, you have a turtle.

[Former-Member]

Haha! @Phoenix_Rising Re: Nutella. 😂
You could be right. ✔

Seems to be so predictable re me stepping out to try and have a life. Physically I always fall apart. I'll try again when I feel stronger. But I'll have to remember not to stay out all day. 😮
Sooo frustrating, feel like crying, but can't.
If I remember correctly Fridays are busy for you. I hope you have a good day. 💗

[Shaz51]

Hello @Former-Member, @CheerBear, @Phoenix_Rising, @Zoe7 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Shaz51 👋💗😙

[Shaz51]

How are you today @Former-Member, we are a bit better than yesterday xx

[CheerBear]

I'm heading to my psych appointment today, which was the appointment this week that I have been most worried about. It's been playing on my mind for the past month, when the biggest 'should' challenge and hypomanic episode words happened. Today feels scary enough that sleep was almost non-existent last night.

I hate that I am in a position where I need this support of my psych now more than ever because of c-link, even though I know that it's not doing much good for my head at the moment. The message I get constantly from anyone who sees this mess, is that I need to allow myself time to move past what's happened and that it is very hard to begin moving past it when things are still happening (which I very much agree with). Unfortunately the whole c-link system doesn't seem to agree, and that's why I really do need my psych right now. It would be a mistake for me to do what I desperately want to do today, and tell them that while the work we've being doing for lots of years has been very helpful in the past, it's no longer helping me and feels like it is actually harmful for me. I'm back in a position where I need to shut up and be quiet about something that's hurting me and that I really don't want to shut up about, and that's not good for my mashed head right now.

I'm worried about getting hold of the evidence document I need for c-link today. Following the aftermath of last weeks housing interview and then the referral letter earlier this week, I am not feeling confident that I have the ability to manage the effects of being confronted with the mess in big words on paper, particularly when those words will be directed straight at my head. I am definitely not confident that I'll be able to tolerate having it questioned by someone I don't know who will be making a big decision about my life in an interview next week.

I have a plan today though, and plans always help me. I'm going to take a big breath and feel my feet on the ground, tell myself that I have done what feels impossible to do more times in the last year than I could have imagined ever having to do, hold on to the knowledge that it is one person's perspective on my muddle (and their perspective is not at all a surprise given what career they have), and remind myself that it is the 18th of August 2017 and none of the bad stuff is actually happening again even though it might feel like it is. There is yet to actually be something that has proven to 'have me' and I do have a 100% success rate of 'got this' even when it feels like it's 'got me'. Part of the plan is also to listen to and sing the llama song and the duck song as often as I want, and carry a mermaid psychiatrist in my pocket who is great at doing no harm, as a fall back for if things go totally belly up. I probably won't mention this last part of the plan to anyone writing any important letters over the next little bit.

So with that I am taking a big breath and am off on this adventure. I feel really bad that I am here in the nest being consumed by my own stuff at the moment, and so much want to be back to a more stable headspace where I can step beyond it and give a bit back. I hope I will get back to being able to do that once these tricky appointments are over with in the next few days. I do very much care about how my friends and not-friends here are getting on, I'm just a bit caught up in the muddy muddle. Am thinking of lots of you often though.

Hope today has good in it for everyone.

[Zoe7]

@CheerBear