MoonGal - My Mum died having a hard time keeping my head above water

[MoonGal]

Hi all - its been a couple of years since I visited here. travelling realtively ok. But my Mum died recently and I am having to deal with soemone who is triggering for me. My partner is not giving me much quarter in regards my reactivity and I am struggling, I can't afford to fall a part and I just need to stay paddling, not drowning for another few days till after the funeral. Waving (maybe drowning) but definately

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[Appleblossom]

Excited Waving Back.

Lovely to see you @MoonGal 

Hard times.  Sending gentle warm vibes.  You can do this, bring all your self care tools to bear and give your mother a send off that sits well with you.

[Former-Member]

Sending a warm welcome & wave back to you @MoonGal 

Very sorry to hear about your mum.
Death of a loved one is hard enough without the addition of having stressors from others at the same time.
Have you got much support around you that might be able to assist with the ‘paddling’ for now?

Also…nice to ‘digitally’ meet through this space. I’m Flybluebird

With having been on the forums in the past, reaching out to community can be such a great strength and I hope those members you’ve connected with over the years as well as new ones - might provide some comfort/friendship/space for hearing what is happening for you - they’re such a great bunch of folk on here! 

[MoonGal]

OMG OMG It's @Appleblossom ! Hellloooo. I am so glad you reached back thanks friend. 😻

I can do this, I can - its just so jaggedy inside right now. So many mixed emotions and so much pain roaring. Also anxious about being in a. room with many people re covid thing first time in public in two years apart from the shops really. So relieved to hear your 'voice' xx

[MoonGal]

Hi @Former-Member - thanks for coming in with support. I was around these forums for a few years back in 2015 or so. Some friends here might recall the struggle getting my Ma into care then, she lasted 5 years with (lowish level) dementia. I visited weekly for the first 4 years but this last year I was really unwell myself and just couldn't cope she got 'stuck' on a terrible tape that I would trigger for her - that was excrutiating to be around, So i stopped visiting. But I got to spend quite a bit of time with her at the end weeks which is good.

It is always a hard time yes. made harder by family history. But the end is in sight I just have to keep on keeping on and doing a release valve here is self-care. I am proud of myself!

Nice to meet you. M x

[Former-Member]

Quite the journey you've had the past 5yrs with your mother @MoonGal - sending you a virtual hug!
I 💛 hearing you express the pride in yourself, as well as the self-care through the forums.

[Appleblossom]

@MoonGal 

Hugs

Great you got your mum in care and she did as well as could be. Weekly visits is commitment. 

Dementia is heartbreaking to watch.  I only have a little experience of it, and in the end we were all glad when he finally passed on this year. Released from his earthly suffering.

You have done the hard yards. Big howling feelings and lots of conflicting thoughts are part of this journey.  Reacting and non reacting may all come up.  Do your MOONGAL best.  It should be enough. It is actually alright if you do not have everything under control. Finding little outlests can help. You are dealing with the death of a very close relative, your mum.  

Many moons of you ...Keep seeing beautyFor your mum

[MoonGal]

thank you so much. Even just being here was a balm, because i did soemthing else to not meltdown or lose myself in it all. One breath at a time at the moment.

[MoonGal]

@Appleblossom Thanks for the beautiful full images of my muse.

(Art by Christian Schloe)

[AussieRecharger]

@MoonGal 

Hey, I know you mentioned that you just need to be strong for the next couple of days, but you don't need to be strong 24/7 do you?  Can you take 10 minutes each day just to let it all overwhelm you and feel it, and then slowly go back to strength?