Moving forward (sexual abuse )

[outlander]

the actual feeling is the worst for me @Former-Member

ive been trying to ground myself all morning. i realised i cant run from it so im trying to do other things.

so far ive done the house chores, watched a movie, colouring in

@Sans911@Former-Member this is the other thread. my story is on here and i kepe this topic separate to my hospitlal thread. i think its page 4

[Former-Member]

I know I keep coming in and telling you what to do, but do you meditate regularly? I found that kinda made a base for the other stuff to work off if that makes sense?
I just need to do it myself really. Too easy to give advice, not so easy for me to take it myself!!!

[outlander]

your not bossy! @Former-Member

no i havent tried meditating, i have done deep breathing when i need to

[Former-Member]

I do this progressive muscle relaxation - it's like crack for anxiety. It's AMAZING! Seriously, I've never found meds work for my anxiety, but this really did!
You can find tapes of it on itunes - but the basic premise is while deep breathing, either lying down or sitting up you move throughout the body periodically contracting and relaxing each muscle group of the body. You've got to really REALLY contract hard and then relax as much as you can all whilst slow deep breathing. It takes about half an hour to do the whole body, and I don't find it works well if you only do it occasionally, but if you do it every second day or so I found it AMAZING!!! AMAAZZZIINGG! for my anxiety.
It's also really good for migraines and tension headaches, sore back etc.

[outlander]

 just want to curl up and stop feeling things.

my body really disgusts me.

i keep having flashbacks and last night was pretty bad and its still happening today.

i hate feeling what happened to me. its like its all happening all over again without anyone even doing its not normal and its disgusting me. i hate my body. i want to take out my feelings.

maybe if i was only having flashbacks that were only visual or sounds it might be easier for me to control but right now all my 5 senses are involved and i cant get out of it

[Former-Member]

I'm sorry @outlander, it really sucks.
It is hard, but it WILL get better.
I know how tiring and distressing it can be. Be kind to yourself and take care. Don't be hard on yourself, or expect too much from yourself today. And sometimes it's okay to curl up and not feel things. I do it often enough.

[outlander]

Iknow people say our minds detach from our bodies when these things happen.
So what my mind says and what my body says can be two very different things which they are.

I feel like a total (trying to figure out a word that i can use) escort... but usually not by that name 

It doesnt feel normal to me. I dont want it to be normal. I want it to stop

[BlueBay]

Hi @outlander

I feel for you so much 

Try some slow deep breathing, this will help you

I'm here for you if you want to chat, if not that;s okay.

BB xxxooo

[outlander]

It wont stop @BlueBay
I dont think ill ever be able to be normal with this

[outlander]

Why couldn't my whole.mind dissociate and not remember it at all
I feel so dirty and disgusting
How can anyone ever like or love me the way that i am
How can anyone love a person like me