Please tell me the truth.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Eden1919

It sounds like things are really tough at the moment.

I am going to send you an email

Lauz

[Former-Member]

You have our support. @Eden1919
Here if you need to let it out.
It's brutally painful having those thoughts and feelings with feeling like no one can help. I am here for you along with others on this forum. You are trying you're best in this moment and that is okay

[Appleblossom]

@Eden1919 It was good to see your profile.  Even as you struggle. It was a relief to me to know that you were still reaching out.

Most of my sessions with shrinks have been too short and too far between sessions to cover everything.  That is over 30 years of seeing them ... on and off ... Most of the things you do that will nurture you is what you do in your life.

It honestly took me a very long time to find the self soothing or calming things that worked.  For me, the turning point was doing the "loving kindness meditation".  It gentled my mind to others and myself, naturally , gradually.  Yes through it all I stumbled and fell and slipped back often.  But I am seeing a lot of meaning in my life now.

Please stay true to yourself with good intent.  Another way for me is to imagine a little cavern in my heart that I fill with things, material, books, cats,  whatever ...

We are all unique so your way will be uniquely yours.  There are people on the forum who care and will walk with you while you learn to bring yourself down from big scary intense emotional states.

PEACE @Eden1919

[Eden1919]

Thankyou @Former-Member@Appleblossom@outlander you are all so kind. 

Today is not any better it is worse actually i just i cant take this anymore and i am not ok i really i am out of options it is just a when now not an if..... i want to cry i feel really awful i have ruined everything again this is all my fault. 

[Former-Member]

Hi there @Eden1919 🙂

I'm sorry to hear things aren't feeling any better for you today. I appreciate how hard it can be to reach out when dealing with so much but it's also really important to. A check in email has been sent to your email.

Lots of support sitting here with you.

Take care.

[Former-Member]

I can understand the self not thinking highly of ourselves. We put ourselves down due to the trauma & it's effects. It isn't you're fault though with you feeling the way you do. Let it out @Eden1919 Did something happen today? Hold on we care xx

[Appleblossom]

@Former-Member is right, Sometimes talking about actual situations is important and gets us out of the overwhelming feelings we struggle with.  Only talking about feelings can be self fulfilling ... they are a part of life but not the whole deal.

@Eden1919 I told myself "when" ... for a long time ... decades ... but I know I have finally left that behind ... you can do that too ... 

As Always

Take Care Eden

Hope you dont mind if I ask why you added 1919 to your name?

[Eden1919]

I cant really talk about the stuff that is bothering me on here i just need this all to stop and i cant make it stop without making everything stop. 

@Appleblossom it wouldnt let me do just eden for some reason so i just added some random numbers that i could remember. 

[Appleblossom]

Fair enough re numbers. @Eden1919

Checking that no traumas were in your family history from 1919 ... between the wars and the great depression and all that.

Pity is that if you dont unpack situation a bit ... its hard to analyse it and get progress to manage it or avoid it ... the discussion  might be too vague to make a difference ... 

[Eden1919]

I am really struggling i am making plans in my head and starting to try and organise things which i know is bad but i just feel like i dont have a choice i feel completely like out of control and desperate and i feel bad because i dont want to hurt anyone but i dont feel like i can stop this either i just feel completely hopeless and lost. there is only one way to make this stop i just wish there was something else but there is nothing left to do..... nothing at all.... i am sorry to keep bothering everyone.