Learning about Relationship Boundaries

[Former-Member]

Hey 

sorry you're feeling down. and sounds frustrating that he watched those episodes without you despite knowing that it was something you wanted to do together. I hope orange is the new black works out better. i have watched it. Hope you both do get to the movies soon. 

I like your idea of working on your friendships and a relationship, you've come such a long way since we first 'met'. That sounds very much like some hope for the future. I'm so glad for you.

Your son is now of an age that its ok for you to not being available to him 100%. It wouldnt be ... respectful of his age or own abilities to look after himself. It's also a good prompt for him to perhaps push himself a little too. As always you're a great mum

lj

[Former-Member]

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have a great book series on Boindaries.

[Appleblossom]

@Former-Member Hope your boy gets better soon ...

@Former-Member I have a lifetime of the wrong approach to boundaries .. apparently .. lol

[Former-Member]

@Appleblossom, what do you mean? Are you OK? Been thinking of you today.

[Appleblossom]

I... the young DHS girl I met on the train had the same name ... tho very different personality to my daughter .. I console myself and see it as the universe .. letting me mother someone who needed it for a little while.  It often happens with little coincidences like that.

I am ok ... sometimes the abyss is sad ... best not stare into it for too long .. turn our minds or heads to look at better vistas.

I just posted in your thread too ... dont be down on yourself ..

[Appleblossom]

Been reading the Townsend and Cloud Site. Thanks for tip. @Former-Member 

There is an article on Being single .. I also value the mystic ..

They base boundary ideas about feelings on metaphors of ownership and property ... and tho they are christian .. they have such a different interpretation .. a more fundamentalist and non social justice view .. than my understanding .... for me it is so weird to see how they use the word "ownership" ...

the book on saying yes and no ... may have good hints ... but abstractly their "scoop" on boundaries..  is just coming from the opposite direction from where I have been ... always doing the connect thing ..

[Former-Member]

Good to get different perspectives on things. You're pretty sharp for this time of day. I keep nodding off... 🙂

[Appleblossom]

I think I am either switched on or off ... though I can be queen of vague ... eg when driving .. not good .. so we do it less. I was very depressed for a long time ... and little bits of feeling strong and together started increasing in the last 10 years ..

[Appleblossom]

Even with boundaries it is important to have co-operation within the home. 

My son did a load of washing.

[Appleblossom]

Had a difficulty having my "no thank you" being accepted last week with a neighbour.  SItuation re food on a plate presented at my front door, and insistence that I accept, even though I had said I had enough food and the smell of roast permeated the house.  Triggered me greatly.

Hear is a talk about family therapy and the importance of cognitively understanding the other people's pain.  Also about "cut off" and estrangement, and the fact that fear generates a lot of estrangement, and its often about resources.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L75oJPFw7cU