Really wobbly

[frog]

Hello @outlander @Mazarita @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Shaz51 I hope you are travelling ok. I am really really wobbly, even for me. I had to make a difficult decision and I am travelling to see my mother tonight. It will be a very quick visit because my kids are at war and the younger one really isn't able to take care of himself yet. 

My sister has forgone her own surgery and flown to Australia from France to see my mum. I am feeling guilty about this because I have delayed and dithered on my decision.

My brother (who is a doctor) said that my mother is not aware of what's going on but my sister said she could squeeze her hand, nod and shake her head and did know who was there.

I am sort of in a daze, and frightened. I feel like I can't do this, and I can't not do it. So much is arising for me from the past. My brain doesn't want to work, doesn't want to make decisions, doesn't want to know.

This morning they are going to take the breathing tube out and see if she can breathe on her own. If not it goes back in but they said this can't go on indefinately.

Thank you all for being here. You are so much more supportive than my family. Please stay with me.

Also @Sahara I see that you are going through a really difficult struggle of this kind yourself. I am thinking of you. I thought I should stay on my wobbly thread and not crash yours. From what I saw you are doing so well - making decisions is so hard under the circumstances. Take care.

[Sahara]

@frog,

it is so heart-breaking when a parent is very ill. It is so hard to see them like that, when we are used to them being the one to take care of everyone else. 

I think you are doing the right thing by going to your Mum's side. I don't think you will regret it. @frog. there is very little you can do, other than be there. 

And we will be here for you, too. xx

[Former-Member]

Dear @frog
Sounds so difficult and wanted you to know im here with you. So much has been brought up i think it's completely understandable that making decisions is hard, i've also felt like that when very low and stressed.
No matter what, im glad you know we are here to support you,
hope today is okish...

[Faith-and-Hope]

I have been through this too @frog @Sahara ..... it’s one of those times where you have to inhale, take the next step, exhale ...... take a moment to make sure you are still managing ..... I hale, take the next step, exhale .....

Feeling for you both, so much. All I can say is to try not to overthink things, and work moment to moment. Are there hospital counsellors available to you ? It is helpful to have someone mindful of you, and how you are coping, while the main focus is on your parent as the patient.

Hugs n hugs 💜

[Mazarita]

Hi @frog, still with you. Please tag me any time you would like support even if I seem not to be around. I too have been through the death of a parent (my father in 2003). It was the best thing I did going to see him when I did and has left me with much greater peace than if I'd missed that. I too know that feeling of not being able to make decisions when this is going on. But you have made a decision, the most important one just now, to go see your mother. Your sibling is wise to do the same and it will benefit them as much as you too, so try to ease up on any guilt there. Sitting with you and thinking of you. 

[outlander]

sitting with you @frog

[Former-Member]

Hi @frog - i hope you are travelling safely now, sitting with you and thinking of you.

[Shaz51]

Sounds so difficult and wanted you to know im here with you @frog 

[Appleblossom]

Difficult times @frog We are with you in spirit.

[Mazarita]

Good morning, @frog. Just checking in with how you are today, whether you would like to talk more here. Wondering when you are due to take off travelling to see your mum. Still with you and thinking of you. Maz