Riding a wave

[Appleblossom]

@Phoenix_RisingYour aspie aspect helps me relate to you .. not alienate me.  There are quite a lot on the forum who really appreciate your posts.  Your wholeness, the informative bits, and the struggling person, using a wonderfully rich and humourous imagination to deal with her demons.

I am not saying that irl it has not felt disastrous.

Just hoping you keep keeping on.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Love how you said that @Appleblossom .... my sentiments entirely.

[Former-Member]

Beautifully said @Appleblossom and I wholeheartedly agree with those words.

[Former-Member]

How kind of you to share your funny-but-not-story @Phoenix_Rising. I'd like to know how so many so-called professional care providers decide where their lines are drawn with providing therapy. It's like they've joined the 'this far and no further' club or something. 

I am so so sorry you have had this experience. 

I'm not comfortable giving the name of the course or the place it's done through, is it enough to say it's deemed very reputable and is supported by other organisations and is not church or religion based?  

Edited to add:

Decided not to hide my truth: Course was/ is PTSD with the mindspot clinic. Appalling, truly appalling. Saw in another thread where someone else has had a very bad experience there too and that made me decide to be open about it. They made a final call to cover their 'duty of care' legal requirements but 'they can't help me'. Was booked in to do the Wellbeing course, but after discussion, learned that it's just the same info rehashed. Saw the first 2 lessons, and yep, it is. Words fail me. But, I shall do the DBT stuff when the books arrive and help myself. That is all. 

I understand about not doing friends, irl I have one person I can trust and who I call friend. My trust has too often been shattered by so-called friends who don't get 'me'. I can sometimes allow myself to connect with virtual more-than-acquaintances and call them friend because they have no clue as to who I really am. In my working profession, it confuses me that I am loved and lauded and exclaimed about, yet no one will be my friend. 

CheerBear is very fortunate to have you as a not-friend. You are very fortunate to have CheerBear as a not-friend. I am very glad for both of you. 

Still feeling bleary eyed and numb from meds and feelings, wanted to drop by to check in with you and to offer my support (little as it might be) to you @Phoenix_Rising and say 'thank you' to all of you who took the time to be kind to me. (Scared that if I tag people, I will inadvertintly miss someone and cause pain).

Thank you, you kindnesses have kept me afloat and helped me find my way to shore (and to a cute white swan floatie).

*Rests carefully on rock stack and watches the mesmerising rise and fall of the ocean waves*

[Former-Member]

*Quietly, so as not to disturb, gets into white swan floatie, paddles out onto ocean to check on little turtle* 

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member I super like you. 😊

[Former-Member]

@Phoenix_Rising hehe, I super like you more!  

Awesome to see you name. 

[Catcakes]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising, I just wanted to come a check in with you as yesterday was a pretty intense day. Hope you’re floating ok,
Also I wanted to let you know that I asked @NikNik to delete a couple of my posts from our discussion. I hope this doesn’t detract from the genuiness of my posts but the disclosure gave me some anxiety and I still have some probably irrational fear about ending up in court (again).
I’m leaving some of my yummy homegrown nectarines for you.... 🍊🍊🍊

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Catcakes,

Super big thank you for dropping by the ocean. Yep, yesterday was very very VERY intense...and I fear there will be more intense times to come on the ocean for a while yet. 

I saw that you asked for those posts to be deleted. That is a bazillion percent ok. No one should ever feel pressured to share more than they are comfortable with here in Forum Land. It's frustrating that the edit button doesn't appear on the App. I always use my laptop and there you can just press the edit button and edit your post - including deleting its entire contents if you want to. 

@Former-Member I have to ask...do you normally say "super" or have you picked it up here in Forum Land? For some weird reason, people who spend more than a few minutes with me seem to start saying that word. It's super strange... 

[Phoenix_Rising]

I am feeling MUCH calmer tonight thanks to the awesomely amazing TTT. I arrived at the appointment without my words but TTT helped me find them. They were mostly wonky words, but some words are better than no words. 

We started off in our usual way of TTT reading to me. @Former-Member we are up to the golden tickets in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!!!

Then, because I didn't have my words, I played with the glitter jar and then with the slinky while TTT drew a picture of a turtle. Then she asked me if I wanted to draw and I did, but I didn't know what to draw, so TTT and I played Mr Squiggle, where she did the squiggle and I had to make it into a picture. While I was working on that, my somewhat wonky words came back so that TTT could get at least some sense of what had been happening. 

Um...what else...I got super giantly triggered by something TTT said and went into the full screaming, SHing thing. She was so super calm. She just sat there and started saying "in and out" over and over and over to help me slow down my breathing (and most likely to slow down her own breathing too). I super love how non-reactive she is. Her voice never changes. When she is asking me to stop SHing, she uses exactly the same voice as when she is reading to me. Her super calmness helps me SO MUCH to settle. 

@Former-Member you can probably tell that TTT is far far faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar removed from just doing CBT! Her particular focus is on working with people with complex trauma and she is super amazing at it. I so badly wish I could clone her and send her to lots of other people in Forum Land. I am so very very VERY grateful I found her - it only took 2 years and 12 failed therapists following me leaving my abusive therapist of 16 years. Yay for persistence! 

Oh and I have homework. TTT made another twelve pages of squiggles that I have to turn into pictures. I bet no one doing CBT ever got homework like that!