**Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

[Faith-and-Hope]

From me too @Sans911 ..... here with you.

😔♥️

[frog]

I'm sad it's so hard for you @Sans911 I want to send peace through the air to you.

[Sans911]

I can't do this anymore. No one really understands me or the pain I'm in except for those here in similar spaces. Because I'm refusing ECT, the Drs here don't believe the respite centre will take me back (due to severe depression/SI). If that's the case, then truly almost every avenue I have tried has failed. And I'm labelled difficult and resistant to treatment. I see it in their faces and hear the resignation in their voices. It's almost like they've given me permission to take my life. They've done everything to make me feel that way except for pulling the trigger. They may as well do that too. I know I'm probably being melodramatic and I understand the depression is talking, but I really can't take it anymore. The Dr also says that no amount of psychotherapy will fix me. So I really am a hopeless case. I gave no more motivation or energy left to keep breathing or keep fighting. I'm so sorry.

[outlander]

Aww sis 💜💜 we are right here for you @Sans911
What is ect? Never heard of it

[Former-Member]

@Sans911 I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I wish I knew what to say but I just don’t have any words that will probably make you feel differently. All I can say is that I hear you and am here for you. 💜💜💜

[Former-Member]

@Sans911 

[Sans911]

Electroconvulsive Therapy, or shock therapy @outlander. Sounds worse than it is. Basically it's a small electric current given through both temples (you are sedated) and the idea is it resets the brain chemistry in severe depression. It carries with it the risk of short term memory loss or lingering memory loss/difficulty in making new memories. When I was an inpatient last year I saw a lady who was completely non functioning, catatonic (doesn't speak or respond to you) who was a completely different person after treatment. She was laughing, talking, happy. But she came back some weeks later for further treatment. You need a number of treatments to be truly well again. The unknown effect on memory is my biggest concern, as I already have issues with this.

[Sans911]

@outlander @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @frog

Thank you for your concerns and understanding. I don't want to cause any further distress to anyone; there's already been too much of that already. And I'm getting more distressed myself because the way you all care hurts right in my heart. I need to log off.

[outlander]

that sounds scary as!! @Sans911 

i wish things werent this way for you. i want you to have a better life and be able to live not survive  

can you try to get twice weekly therapy sessions with the therapist you see now as your trust her?

[outlander]

logg off for you @Sans911 not becasue of us. if we didnt want to be here. we wouldnt