**Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

[Former-Member]

Hi @Sans911

I am so sorry you are struggling so much at the moment. 😞 When you are already feeling like things are hopeless it is hard to feel like medical professionals seem discouraged with your treatment and recovery process. It is well within your rights to refuse treatments that you are uncomfortable with, such as ECT. It was brave of you to stand up and say this to your doctor.

Just wanted to post in this thread to let you know I am sending you a check-in email.

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Pscyhé

[Faith-and-Hope]

♥️ @Sans911 ......

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Sans911,

I feel so cranky on your behalf. My understanding is that you have BPD, is that right? I am not aware of any treatment guidelines or any research anywhere that suggests ECT is an appropriate treatment for BPD. I understand that you are also super struggling with depression, and this is what the ECT would be aimed to target. However, I have to admit I would be getting a second and third and fourth opinion regarding ECT.

As you said, it can be a super effective treatment and I know some people here in Forum Land have had great outcomes with it. Also, as you said, it isn't nearly as scary as it sounds. I'm just curious to know why it has been recommended to you given the comorbid BPD diagnosis. BPD IS treatable. You CAN get better. The great challenge of course is trying to find the right support to help you do that. As I think we all know, there are a lot of extremely unhelpful helping people out there, and the few good ones are often beyond the price range of most of us. However, this definitely does not mean that you are untreatable...it means you are caught in an underfunded and under-resourced public mental health system.

I am super impressed that you were able to stand your ground and say no to ECT when you don't feel it is the right thing for you. I can totally hear how very very VERY dark things are for you @Sans911.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Sans911, @outlander, @Faith_and _Hope,@Bella and everyone.
Lost internet on tablet,and hope to get it fixed tomorrow. @outlander,stupid me had my username wrong on my phone,changed password all the time ,just realised I had Lil1 instead if Li1.
@Sans911,don't think I would go for ECT either but that is up to you.
I've been tired,slept most of Saturday after iron infusion with side effects of nausea and headaches.
My main problem past few days is I am severely depressed and don't want to be a****.@outlander,did make appointment to see Dr about carer's form tomorrow, but my mother started this afternoon. Tried like a idiot to talk to her about my depression and got abused,and got the usual "we", meaning her and her family and " you" (me,the psycho).
I have no future guys,going to Dr just because I need to check in with someone.
I'm glad I can communicate with you guys tonight.

[Faith-and-Hope]

So good to see you @Former-Member ..... ❣️

[Sans911]

@Former-Member @outlander @Faith-and-Hope

I'm so sorry to worry you all. I'm trying to calm down, but it's going to take a while. I'm being discharged back to the respite centre shortly, so I. I going to stay there & try my hardest to get something out it.

The consultant psychiatrist was really quite cruel when I refused ECT & medication. He essentially said that even if I had years of psychotherapy I would not get better with my severe depression & EUPD. He also said it was highly unlikely the respite centre would refuse to have me. So it was like a major sucker punch right in the chest. I just felt my world completely crumble. I have so little to hang on right now, I believe I'm so broken no one can fix me, and who would want to anyway. But what tiny shred of wanting to live, while I still have 4 fingers gripping the cliff edge, I will try to get back up.

And it's all of you, yes you people, who are real but not real, who despite your immense struggles and internal battles, you have such kindness, compassion and understanding.

Thank you all so very, very much 🌻💙💛

[Former-Member]

Glad someone is @Faith-and -Hope,feeling really alone and down.

[Sans911]

@Former-Member - oh sweetheart, I'm super glad to see you around again. I've been really worried about you. 🌼🌸

[Faith-and-Hope]

You’re not alone in that at the moment @Former-Member ..... there are waves of it crossing the forums at the moment ...... all huddling together to get through it ...... come right in ......

💜

[Former-Member]

@Sans911, he sounds like a w***** ,you have the right to refuse,and he has the responsibility of respecting your rights.