WSPD 2017

[Former-Member]

Hi all

Its world suicide prevention day. Why don't we talk about it here?

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Former-Member,

You are right, it is world suicide prevention day. I heard a bit about it on the radio today. I'm not sure why it hasn't come up in conversation here in Forum Land. Perhaps it is because it is Sunday and the weekends tend to be a bit quieter around here compared to during the week. I'm glad you raised the topic.

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @Former-Member,

I'm glad you raised this too. It's a good reminder to check in with a friend / family member who might be low and thinking about suicide. Or that person may be ourselves.

Suicidal thinking and behaviour is a regular topic here on the forum, and the community is amazing in supporting members through those dark days. Getting comfortable with talking about it to others enables one to seek and accept help.

If someone on the forum is talking about suicidal thoughts or feeling unsafe, we always recommend they call a helpline service straight away, such as Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636 or Lifeline: 13 11 14.

Let's keep everyone safe 🙂

kind regards,

Froginthepond

On behalf of the moderators.

[utopia]

@Former-Member - good thread topic.
I've had suicidal thoughts. The first time, they were so violent, they scared me. I went to hospital voluntarily then.
The other 3 times the suicidal thoughts have been so severe - I also booked into hospital.
The last time, I wasn't scared of my suicidal plan. It brought great comfort and relief, knowing that I could plan my own death. That it would be fool proof. That comforted me so much. Just thinking or talking about it at the time brought me a sense of total peace.
I think that's what scared my psychologist the most, that I was so calm and in a way, blasé about the whole thing. So he told me , unless I chose to go back to hospital, he would send me to the public hospital that I dreaded.
So I agreed to go to my private hospital - my choice and give the psychiatrists there, ine lastcchance to get me 'right'. After hospital, if I still felt like I wanted to go ahead with my plan, then I would.
I got better. Upped my anri depressants. Got a great psychiatrist. Had some time - a month - to heal - in hospital.
I've been home 2 & 1/2 weeks. Things are not rosey and easy, but I no longer feel suicidal.
@Former-Member - would you like to share a story or your thoughts on suicide ir what that word means to you?

[Former-Member]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising @Fancy_Pants and @utopia

I think for me WSPD is important because it takes the RUOK campaign to a more severe level. I feel "mocked" by people asking me RUOK because I am not and I am so much not, that a simple answer isn't possible, so I say, I'm getting there or I'm hanging in there.

Suicidal thoughts are part of my life. I don't think I should go into reasons or plans here. I put a lot of effort into keeping my safety plan up to date, having a care team around me and remembering the reasons why I stay alive. I cannot even say I want to stay alive, as I don't feel like that. I've admitted myself to hospital a few times when it got over bearing. As I have good support at home, we are trying to keep me home, as there are reasons that make hospital difficult for me. My support persons in the real world have a session scheduled with my therapist to help them understand, as they expect it will get worse before it gets better.

Even as I am writing this I feel like I see it all from the outside. I don't feel like I am part of my life. I haven't been diagnosed with DID, but I have been explained that I have a child, a teenager and an adult in me that all need attention. Perhaps everyone is like that? At the moment I struggle to meet my own needs, mainly because I think I don't deserve it and I feel worthless and that's where the downwards spiral begins. Unfortunately all that great insight that I have, doesn't help me either. I'm feeling so disconnected from my life and myself that I don't know what to do. So I just keep going as I am being told that it will get better, but I've also been told that I'm treatment resistant and I guess all of that confuses me.

So for me suicide is a realistic option to stop all the thinking and confusion, but I have put strong measures in place to continue. I still have hope that I will feel more connected again in the future.

I think the WSPD should also look at ongoing compulsory training for GPs and anyone else in the medical field (like yearly updates for their first aid) to have the conversation as I found everyone shied away from the conversation when I first started opening up. I was scared because I thought I would be scheduled. I never even told helplines at the beginning because I was scared to have the cops arrive at my home - and believe me I've heard stories like that. Now I understand it is all a part of a system that is trying to keep me safe, so I don't give false names etc anymore.

I woke up this morning with these thoughts and I went to bed last night thinking about my plan. I am just tired.

[utopia]

@karin. I find the way my mum asks if I'm alright to be really patronising. If u don't say I'm okay. If I give her the truth - she doesn't want to hear it.
We are scheduled in for a family meeting this week. My son, my mum and I. This is to get my mum to understand the 'recovery' cycle and the length of time that will take. And to get her to stop trying to tell me ti just clean up the house and then everything will be fine.
When I'm asked now - R U OK - I normally say the truth - it's a bad day or I'm flat etc.
Have you been given a diagnosis at all? Does a diagnosis help?
Gp's do need more training in suicide prevention and mental health in general. Mine gets a CAT Service to call me every morning - while I wait for a hospital bed. And I did have the police around last time. But eventually they could see that I was working on my plan to get into hospital. So even though I had the suicidal thoughts racing around my brain - I was safe.
The police have a job to do. And how hard it must be for them to decide if someone is 'safe' enough to stay home or needs to be transported to hospital. It must be hard if they believe a person to be safe and then get the call a day or two later - and they are dead. Heartbreaking.
Do you have any plans for today @Former-Member?
I'm just about to take my morning meds - bit late today. Then sit in the sun reading a book. The wind is strong and cold - but the sun is so inviting. Other than that, I'm just going to get through my day.

[Former-Member]

Hi @utopia

I think I cannot handle the follow up question after "I'm not ok" being "why what's wrong?".

I'm busy today catching up with house and garden work. I try my best to keep busy so I won't sleep and to avoid thinking about not working.

[utopia]

@Former-Member. That's one if the many hard things about mental illness (MI). The not being able towork at the ccurrent time and trying to keep busy but also relaxing and distressing at the same time. They are challenges - each one.
When I was really sick late July/early august - I used to tell my mum that today I am barely able to focus on breathing. When she asked what I meant, I said I'm trying to stay alive and not suicide. She would say, "don't be silly". But then be annoyed if I wouldn't share my feelings with her. I'm 46 years old by the way. Lol.

[BlueBay]

Hi @utopia 

BB xxxooo

[Neelix]

My hospital admissions have been because I was suicidal. I ummm kind of want to talk about it but I do in the sense that I think with logic and can talk about the pro's and cons it settle's my pysch & some medical staff and my family. The thoughts I think when wanting 'to sleep' as I put it. I dont share. I'm embarassed and the irritation I get from my family makes me feel small. I'm working on that and thinking of how I can be 'honest'. Gawd I hate that word honest grrr... My daughter's partner was walking home after a night out and found someone hanging over the edge of a safety rail on a bridge. The person was alive but he died later. My daughter's partner and I had a huge arguement about it and well? we never did settle that debate. I dont want to trigger others and say too much but 'thoughts' cross my mind of the pros and cons. I'm not sure what else to say without revealing stuff and upsetting others. Its a topic for a selective few perhaps