why can't I cope longer?

[Zoe7]

It is good that you have sorted 2 more bags for charity @Former-Member Often a clean out is cathartic and donating can make us feel good too 

I don't really have any plans for the weekend - some cleaninig up inside today and maybe a visit to my sister's later today if I am feeling okay. I do have some planning for school I need to get done but that might be a tomorrow job.

Do you have any plans @Former-Member ?

[Appleblossom]

Across town for a couple of shows.  Supporting others I know.  It is good to be able to do that.

[Former-Member]

Are you OK @Appleblossom?

Sorry I'm not more support.

I've been really teary all day, since it hit me at church that I have to leave yet another group of friends.

And its like nobody notices, in fact - feels tlike they wish I'd just hurry up and 'get on with it' . Its been so dragged out leaving i guess.
I'm not coping.

Awful feeling so alone, nobody needs to carry this burden I have, even in part.

Yet I think i've dumped on you two -  but appreciate having this space to come, able to say whatever.

Since I'm not suppose to suicide, this must mean I'm suppose to keep going 'till I drop. That's not logical.

But its where I'm at for now, quietly hoping God will cause me to drop  quickly. No pain, no fuss, or hurting anyone.

Or maybe / somehow I'll survive this too, look back and say "see, I told you I could do it"
Whichever, I'm good with both, it's that middle road that's difficult I suppose.
Sorry I'm self centred atm - really struggling

[Zoe7]

You are not at all self-centred @Former-Member - you are struggling and that is really tough. I understand that feeling of being stuck in between what society thinks is appropriate and how you feel inside. I know it probably does not make much difference when you feel this way but I would greatly miss having you around Hon. It is good that you have here to come and vent your frustrations and pain - here listening and feeling for you @Former-Member  

[Appleblossom]

I am alright. @Former-Member 

In a bit of pain and ended up in the wrong place today, but instead of beating up self I did self care.  That is a huge improvement for me.

I never thought you dumped.

[Former-Member]

Thanks Appleblossom
Glad you're practising Self Care instead of beating yourself up. Its taken me a lifetime to understand this part of self compassion, being our own best friend - actually having a relationship with ourself. Years gone by I thought it wad considered madness to talk with ourselves... but we do anyway, bringing this unconscious internal dialogue to the surface is just greater awareness, not madness. At least then we can deal with anything amis.

What are you up to Zoe7?

I had a day in bed mostly, really fased out and tired and cold...
On my last leg of packing
Then its the BIG decision - which direction to leave & why I should bother.

Anyway, just saying hi. Hope you are both ok and having a good weekend.

[Former-Member]

[Zoe7]

Having a quiet weekend @Former-Member Did a little housework yesterday but still more to do today - in between lots of resting and watching tv - so a very layed back weekend.

It is good that you have nearly finished packing but not good that you don't yet have anywhere to go. Are there any possible accommodation options for you yet @Former-Member ?

[Former-Member]

Sounds like a nice w'end for you @Zoe7. I do the same - rests in between bursts of tidying up. Somewhat crazy that we spend most our life moving around stuff we dont really need.

I'm thinking of just getting campervan, & live on the road.

Found out today that I can register as homeless on the electoral roll, think I'll have to do that. But right now I can stay here another month. Thankful for that.

Can't seem to get my head around things atm. So scared I'm gonna make a big mistake no matter what I do.

Are your kidz behaving?

Where's @Appleblossom gone.?Hope you're OK kiddo xox

[Zoe7]

Getting a campervan and moving around sounds like a great solution to your house situation @Former-Member It will mean you have somewhere to call home as well as being able to travel wherever you like - that sounds like a great solution to your current situation Hon 

The kids and staff are still being lovely at school - I do enjoy the work when I get there - it is hard getting organised in the morning though. I have to get myself mobile now and get ready so I am not late. Will check in with yuo tonight again