why can't I cope longer?

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Zoe7, So glad work is going well. Keep doing what youre doing 🙂

You know, I was thinking what i need at a basic level:
- to make a cup of tea whenever I want
- to stretch out flat when my back hurts
- to sleep in safety & no bugs around
- to get cool when I need to...
- to read a book with birds in the background...
- Maybe grab a coffee with a friend... then all is well for now.

Have you ever seen the movie -
"Lady in a van" ?
Oh dear, that could be me lol
<

[Zoe7]

No haven't seen that movie @Former-Member but I can imagine what it is about - would very much be you. The idea of a camper van is looking even more promising - would tick off all the things you listed and you could go wherever you felt like too.

[Shaz51]

huggggss @Former-Member  here for you xx

[Former-Member]

2016 MOVIE: The true story of Miss Shepherd, an eccentric woman of uncertain origins, who `temporarily' parked her broken-down van in writer Alan Bennett's London driveway, and proceeded to live there for the next 15 years.

[Former-Member]

Hey, where'd yas go?
I've Decidied to stay put 'till April, there's no rush to have me leavevim told (thank God), that's in my head, the urge to flee all the bad memories here.
But a friend is flying down from Qld to see me for my birthday in 2wks so I'll stay it for that. Nice that someone wants to do something for my birthday this year, last year was lonely.
Anyway, not sure I can find you on other threads so hope alls well.
night xox

[Zoe7]

Hi @Former-Member It is so lovely of your friend to come down to visit you for your birthday. That will make it a pretty specil day for you.

It is also good that you can stay where you are a bit longer - gives you more time to try to find somewhere else and/or sort out what you are going to do. 

I am going okay - really tired and struggling to get to work most mornings but only one more day then the weekend will be here. I seem to be okay once I get to work but really find it hard getting going in the morning. I think that is going to get harder with the colder weather coming and the daylight reducing too but I will need to find a way through all that.

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Zoe7,
I find mornings really hard too, especially when ongoing stress is high. You have a lot on your plate and made huge changes this last few months so go easy on yourself. Getting everything ready the night before helps me, so i just have to roll out the door in the mornings. You'll find a routine of your own.

Today I went and looked for an campervan. Found a 5yo one, ex hire, low milage, but 47,000 + transfer papers 2k. Sheesh! So expensive! 😞 But at the same time exciting. Drives well, but hard to get in & out of as I'm so short (don't know how the oldies do it all the time). Andcevem after trading in my car, it leaves a balance of 35k owing 😞 Its hard to justify when also taking 1/3 ofof future house money.

Took a traintrip today to some old home turf. Nostalgic. Shed tears missing an old friend who I once went there with - she suicided. But The buskers and people and doves & cool breeze made it nice. Got healthy and bought a smoothie (apple, cucumber & lemon), yum. Haven't done a train trip for years 🙂

[Former-Member]

Hi @Zoe, <br>No doubt you're ready for the weekend. Maybe put your feet up and have an early night. I'm lucky I don't HAVE to work. <br>This is a pic of the RV I'm thinking of getting. Somewhat pricey though. Every decision has a consequence I'm not ready for so keep hitting brick walls.<br>Rang housing - they want so much evidence and I have new doctors and trying to not come over like a hyperchondriac, and keep misplacing my own records, or think I have... Just too much rolling round in my head. <br>Another thing, email notifications are not working - I forget they exist and embarrassed to have to now tell EVERY organisation I'm not capable of internet this or that... and have memory loss... and my life is is shambles... and I have NO family support... and put up with the looks like 'you must be a really bad horrible person, go k#ll yourself'<br>So hard to switch off that voice.<br>Wish I knew how to love myself.<br

[Former-Member]

campervan I might buy

[Former-Member]

Hi @Zoe7, hope you're having a quiet night and planning regenerating moments in your weekend.
I've lost my past few posts here so this is a test post.
Have talked with sf team about it.