why can't I cope longer?

[Zoe7]

I read your post that disappeared @Former-Member and understand that you are having very difficult thoughts right now - it is not easy to get through the days when you are so uncertain about the future but you are looking forward  - especially with looking at buying the RV ...it looks amazing and would be wonderful to have somewhere to call home that you can also travel around in. 

I read that you don't know how to love yourself and I think that is something that many of us struggle with. I think it is important to try to focus on what we can do and not dwell too much on what we can't - we can only do what we can with what we know and that has to be enough. We also need to be true to ourselves - knowing we are doing the best we can and living up to our own expectations is all we can do. Also treating others as we wish to be treated is essential - even if we do not get that same treatment in return we can hold our heads high and know we are doing the right thing. Loving yourself is not, in my opinion, feeling that you have everything you need in life but knowing you are working towards the ideal you - and you are the only one that can do that. Having high expectations of yourself but also allowing yourself to make mistakes, own them and move on is important too - as humans we are not infalible - but being able to bounce back and continually work on ourselves is key. You have so much going for you @Former-Member and I see your determination despite your current views of yourself ...you continue to reach out here for support and that shows me you want something better for yourself - hold onto that thought. The current accommodation issues are certainly not helping but you are also trying very hard to solve that so you are looking forward in that respect also. I believe in you Hon and hold onto hope that you can also have some of that belief in yourself 

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Zoe7, you understand 🙂
Made apt with my Dr for Mon, to try sort out a misunderstanding. Thing is - I need a Dr or I'd not bother. Got all these housing applications... that need signing & need scripts.
Just gotta not cancel no matter what...
Hope your weekend is OK. ?
Mine quiet, detaching a bit but ok

[Zoe7]

Hey @Former-Member I am glad you have made the appointment with your GP. No matter how you feel on Monday you need to get there Hon. You will feel better after you get everything signed and get your scripts - it is a little thing that in the scheme of things is actually quite big. 

I have slept most of today on and off and fell asleep on the couch late afternoon again. Not long ago woke up and am now wide awake. Not sure I can get back to sleep quickly so am here for a little while until I feel the next wave of sleep passing by. It is certainly not an ideal situation but it is what it is and I need to roll with it.

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Zoe7, its good not to get anxious or annoyed when we can't sleep properly, or "roll with it" as you say, but its cumulative , these stints of rest, so it works out eventually.
Really raining here atm. I don't wanna go to Dr tomorrow but need to grr, and can't be bothered starting over. This Dr, she's smart, and an Ausdie (understands what im saying), but very young, and heavily brainwashed by the 'medical model' But its hard to find a female Aussie Dr in Sydney 😞
Anyway, hope you're w'endbis going smoothly. Do something special before tomorrow, preferably outside.
Take care
EOR

[Former-Member]

Where's @Appleblossom gone? Hope you're OK Apple, and I haven't said something wrong.
@Shaz52, my notifications say you've left a comment... but 😞 its invisible... hope you're ok? thanks for popping by anyway, you take care.
EOR

[Zoe7]

You have to push yourself to get to the dr tomorrow @Former-Member - you need that paperworkd signed and your scripts. I know you would refer not to have to go but once you have done it to can feel like you have achieved something and that is important. That is how I am approaching every day at work - something I have to do and can relax afterwards until i get ready for the next day.

I am really struggling over the last week or so to get to work and very tired during the day so it is getting harder and harder to find the energy. I need to push through until Easter and have a good break to get back into it again. 

Today started with a headache this morning but that has eased so I have begun to do a little of the housework in bits and pieces. I know today will go very quickly so trying to get some things done this morning before I settle in to watch some sport this afternoon and do the planning I need to do.

I hope you have a good afternoon and can find the energy and motivation to get to the dr tomorrow 

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Zoe7, will do
Sounds really hard for you though lately, wonder what's causing this physical fatigue? a vit & min deficiency, hormone imbalance or something? Do you take vit-d and a multi? Those fizzy supps are good with breakfadt. Maybe its the lack of sleep too... Is something worrying you?

Getting a few things done like tidy up & planning would be helpingbyour tomorrow, you've inspired me to
GET UP !
DO SOMETHING !
... I need that...
thank you 🙂
Ill check back latter 🙂

[Zoe7]

I think it is more an accumulation of things that I have been pushing through for a couple of months combined with the tiredness of actually being at work and then DBT and appointments on the Wednesday @Former-Member  I am waking during the night and having some unwanted dreams as well and that is always very tiring. I am just trying to push through for now - do what I have to do each day and then get to the next day. It is sustaining the getting up and being at work (or DBT) every day that is becoming problemmatic. I had been out of work and at home for a long time so it is not surprising that I am feeling it now/ I feel very body weary - everything is aching - I do a lot of walking up and down stairs at work - so that could be contributing to it too - physically very unfit after so much time basically living on my couch. It is not an easy fix in that regard either - I am too tired after work to do anything and that feeds back into how unfit I am - a catch 22!

I hope youo get a few things done today too - I have managed to finish the washing up and pick up Toby's toys so that makes me feel a little better. Will get the clothes off the line soon and fold up Toby's baby doonas that I washed last week. Then I will get some of my school stuff sorted.

Will check in with you later too to see how your day has gone 

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Former-Member 

Take Care of yourself.

Love that movie. Music and homelessness. Maggie's humour is beautiful, and wan and sad, but great dignity.

At a festival yesterday. Neck was going for about 3 days before, but it was not disastrous.

Gotto dash. Running late ... again ... eye roll ... at me ....

Chat later

[Former-Member]

Well, oh dear, I lost track of time & totally missed my apt with Dr. I don't know what's wrong with me, should be easy, and the Dr is cranky with me... will have to move on (find a different dr that wont hit me with $50 fee for cancelling when i honestly cant help it & could send me broke, i cant justify paying for services i don't gete), there's no room for forgetful ppl in the system 😞  oh no, bad thought, hope I don't have dementia.

How do we just live for self?

I wasn't created that way. Without love I'm dying, what's the point when you have nothing of value to offer anyone anymore, and what you've given seems forgotten. I can't get that back.

Gosh, when I think how much I have given away . . .
Anyway, how do I stop me from feeling like i'm slowly dying?

Hmm, Maybe start with a walk
Not now, its raining...
EOR