Losing my grip

[Historylover]

@Appleblossom I find the trouble is that it is nigh on impossible to sit quietly, and when we communicate–we self-reveal, and that's what they are waiting for. Not only for the purpose of sticky-beaking but also for looking for our weak spot/their control point, or how they can make us feel less than, or wish we hadn't said that. It also makes the predators aware that they have sucked us in. Perhaps others' experiences are different, but I noticed all of these patterns in others' behaviour long ago. Trying to side-step, change their behaviour by turning the other cheek hasn't proven successful. And how I've tried. Cliques are everywhere.

[Appleblossom]

@Historylover Losing naivety has been a longer journey for me than most.  Somehow cos of all the trauma and grief I had to cling to idealism to survive or I would have simply gone under.  'Turn the other cheek' is a much overused phrase. I now believe it is positively dangerous and mostly used by those who want an excuse to keep violating us in various ways, especially domestic situations.  I never preach it, as I practised it to my detriment and was slow to learn .... and suffered great cost as I forgave too much... it was madness ... hmmm.  It may be more of a generational thing we were brought up with.  It certainly does not ring strongly in the current discussions where  "narcissist" "cut off" and "toxic person" are the mainstay.  Its a problem when simple solutions are applied willy nilly to the huge variety of life circs.

IMHO The rare occasions turning the other cheek ought be applied, are for each individual to determine and involve genuine mistakes, ignorance and/or restraint for a greater good. Churches are no better than many communities, all have their issues. I am not a bible basher, hate it, recently burnt by one and wary about socialising but seem to need it. 

I have been in garden already, am wearing clothes suitable for me to prune the roses, then probably go to guerilla garden and get some spinach ... for spinach and cheese tonight. I have cottage cheese and use up the last of jalapenos, someone gave me. Enjoying cooking lately.  Using up things in pantry, and planning yum dinner around it.  

[Historylover]

Turning the other cheek was taught to me by my ex-psy, @Appleblossom, otherwise I would have had no relationship with anyone–not even/especially with my parents. I thought it a good tactic in the hope of their realizing that they could change their ways and be respectful, too, and still survive in this world. I had hoped it would reverse this predatory behaviour. How naive.

Though I think it could have worked with my parents, but their oppressors were relentless and heartless, wouldn't stay away from them and allow them to develop healthy relationships within their family, or to succeed in anything. They made sure I wasn't successful in my strategy. My parents were absolutely traumatized by what they endured to ensure they never got out from under the heel of certain others' hobnailed boots and, of course, our relationships were always stressed and unnatural and didn't develop as a result. I can also say that as a result, I never knew who my parents really were. And how I'd loved to have experienced their true selves. I've seen glimpses and they were rather wonderful. And then there were their unforgiveable acts from which I am still reeling.

But I still turn the other cheek with others...as I walk away from each new attempt to find non-predators, but there are only the down trodden and the down-treaders in this world, in my opinion. 

I had told my teachers on zoom how much university meant to me at the beginning of the course. Big mistake. I'm now watching them ensure I never get my dues for my painstaking work, and that I don't pass this subject. They are being instrumental in creating my academic profile and ensuring I now don't achieve my objective. I assessed the one marking my assignments as hostile to me from the beginning, and another one. The nice one was not assigned to me, of course. I was being 'channeled' to where I was allowed to go, as I have been all of my life.

We don't have control of our lives. Others do.

Some students get through university, some get through but don't get any advantage from it, and others are stonewalled at every turn, undermined, disheartened and give up. I'm in the latter group but I don't give up, so they all have to fail me–or give me low marks as they pull my work apart. I know what my work is worth–but they have the power. It's not like maths where you're wrong or right. This is appraisal of essays based on research, and their appraisal goes.

I'm not a fan of teachers. If I had my time over, I'd homeschool my daughters. Teachers create everyone's future and that is one hell of a responsibility. Few are impartial. 

Pleased to hear you're enjoying cooking. I wish I could say the same. Since my kitchen was redone, I have no room for recipe books, and although it hasn't been deliberate, I have stopped using them and my diet is suffering as a result. 

[Appleblossom]

@Historylover My interest in cooking comes and goes, but mostly I am on healthy side.

I will repeat your phrase regarding teachers "Few are impartial". Cannot go into my issues there without legal probs.  Yes made things impossible with my daughter and really skirting the ethical a little too closely.

It is the same in tertiary sector, very reliant on who is in power.  Not particularly objective in my book.  That is why I said look for a supervisor.  I have backed out of 2 masters this month, cos very rigid and boring tbh and not worth the HECs debt.  Will look around again next year.  When I was doing counselling at one uni, I was told there were issues and that prominent lecturers were looking for people to mold into their own ways of thinking.  My independence is hard won, and not worth trading in.

[tyme]

I hope you will be able to find something that you like @Appleblossom . Anyway, that's only IF you want to study 🙂

[Historylover]

@Appleblossom I don't know your age, and don't want to, but if you're retired and/or won't be earning more than $47,000 p.a. there is no debt. Repayment only starts after that earning level as I understand it. I have had them repeat that confirmation to me every time I re-enrol, and I heard a journalist clarify the point on The Drum one night. I'm talking about open.edu, though. Perhaps you're rolling in money🤔though.

As for eating, I eat healthily but very unexcitingly.

The one teacher I liked–absolutely lovely, and an enchanting, enthralling intellect–I am pleased I didn't get, because if he takes my side, he will be ostracized too. 

I have never heard of supervisors, @Appleblossom.

[Appleblossom]

Healthy eating is enuff. @Historylover Ha ha not rolling in money.  Not studying atm so its the way my super frugal mind works with nothing else to attach to, this cottage cheese goes with that quarter jar of jalapenos, ... but not at Suzannes.  Great to enjoy food and entice my son's taste buds towards enjoying vegies.

Teachers can be wonderful and I have appreciated a few, and in music also long enough to know their strengths and weak points.

I married into academic family... now ex. At Phd level you are supposed to contribute to the body of knowledge and usually are appointed a mentor/supervisor to guide you.  They need some expertise in the area, or wont be much use.  People might go to a particular uni cos of particular interest.  Its a really shifting field, as everyone is on lookout for grants or students ... it is rarely neutral.  This book was interesting insight written with tongue in cheek ... she was able to write about race ...  it is not all black and white.

 

I enjoyed study @tyme for 3 months part time but not enough to sustain me. I know I am lucky to have choice so best make the most of it.  I might go back to alma mater next year.  I also need to be open for family possibilities.  I am fine about it.  Some friends are around so that be my great learning area atm.

[Historylover]

I'll check out the book when it loads. @Appleblossom.

I married into a cad family!

[Appleblossom]

Cadcam ... computer aided design/manufacturing?

or just a cad? not being academic about it!

@Historylover 

My ex hated his successful in academia, big brother, but then was over the moon when he realised he probably earned more in computing, and a lot of his brother's success was only status.

Apparently that book was adapted from one by Forster called "Howard's end" which has a tv show.

It is important you are seeing good things in your parents despite the problems.

[Historylover]

@Appleblossom re "Cadcam ... computer aided design/manufacturing?

or just a cad? not being academic about it!"

Both actually, but I had referring to the latter–just a cad. I hadn't realized the other pun.😉 How 'funny'–it must've been the universe trying to warn me!

And in reference to the delightful teacher, I'll correct my previous statement. I would have been blissfully happy to have had him as my assessor, but knew they would send me in a direction of their choosing and control. I assessed their goings on in my first zoom meeting, and they assessed me too. Actually their attitude to me in my earlier enrolment was the reason I withdrew and re-enrolled this time, determined not to let them beat me. But, of course, they hold all the cards. As a mostly self-taught (I didn't mention to them, also privately tutored) mature-aged student, they thought they were dealing with a non-academic but found my work otherwise. They can't let me win–unless they want to prove me wrong. Self-taught against self-professed 'intellectuals' of clearly implied unquestionable merit?🤔