HeloRe: Trying makes it worse

[maddison]

Oh @Shaz51 I'm sending big hugs back to you xx

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower 

I was really struck how @maddison could find a way to say ... we can hold heavy emotions lightly, but I feel it very true in this instance.

My heart goes out to you Eternal Flower for the struggles that lead to you needing to be in hospital, and the struggles generally getting your needs met.

Ha ha about collecting snacks, it is a way of adapting that particular environment.  It is human to try and make the best out of a situation.  It is highly adaptive. In better environments maybe different adaptions ...???  I did go through a pack of icecreams.  (cough cough!)

I like that you are intellectually subtle. I can feel that. 

Sometimes tears can be cleansing and cathartic. 

I hope that is what happens for you.

I teared up once at festival very slightly, and had a big realisation about my own emotional style and why I am like I am ...etc etc.

@Historylover 

I like and know the artist directors. They have a mini insight to my struggles and still made me feel personally welcome. It had good intelligent programming, each of the artists given leeway to something creative with their time slot rather than trotting out an old masterpiece.  

The weekend cost me about $600 all up (tix travel food accom). I have never done a weekend like it before, so a long time in coming. Mostly I buy tix to see my son. I guess I am doing self care and what I need to stay sane.  Spending selectively within my means. As I walked to one of the gigs I spontaneously began an inner chant.  "I have human rights too" "My family has human rights too."  I am going to edit post about it not taking chances for anonymity issues.

@maddison I am sad your housemate is in hospital, but glad he did not need the bad heavy involuntary approach.  Either way it is never easy.  Heartbreaking to be a part of. The build up getting to that point is a culmination of weeks of intense stuff in the house ... at least. Making the call to even get services involved is tough.  Feeling your exhaustion.  Go gently with yourself.  There is only so much any one person can do for another.  

[EternalFlower]

Yum @maddison McDonald's sounds so cosy, a good treat...

I relate to ur feelings of loneliness ...it is weird and lonely here in a way. My interactions with ppl here are not easy 

People are distressed or in their own worlds and mostly I don't socialise ...

Quiet is weird ...

Sad songs are very soothing !!! It's not natural to avoid sad things entirely or block it. I don't know if this is odd to ask, but do U cry? I can't. 

I like Kesha "praying" as a sad one, but there are so many good ones !!

Hope dinner was good and U get some food soon , im sure you will in time get all together and he'll be back soon, hopefully in good spirits . Sometimes hospitals do help .

I am scared of going home more distressed. I am scared of being a statistic , a cog in the system , a sad case U read about in the paper...we are living and breathing the MH crises .

My friend asked me what she could bring me here and I said canvas totes....I want bags to order my stuff so I feel ready to leave 

Nothing else would really help as anything cook they'd take away, food doesn't excite me unless it's a hot coffee , and I can't really ask for clothes or socks which is probably what I need.

But proud I did ask as often I just say nothing.

We have vending machines that people use for snacks ...and cheese lol. They give U cheese and hospital crackers.

@Shaz51 thank U love, are U doing well?

Thank U @Historylover @Paperdaisy @

@Appleblossom 

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower 

"Like they ask U , what do U need from me or should I search your room for sharps?

Not, what's on ur mind, can we talk?"

Its a very mechanistic approach. Not very human.  Its not you.  I had 3 nurses at different stages speak to me about human issues. It mattered to me. I met a 100.

Med muck ups are not good. Get through the next few days, and maybe, maybe, you will find a better team to work with when you get home.

[maddison]

I think it's helpful you articulated this @EternalFlower 

Like they ask U , what do U need from me or should I search your room for sharps?

i have very often said to my MH 'what do you need?' 'is there anything I can do to help you?'

Maybe that is too broad question? If I was asked, I think at times it might very easy to answer - then again if I'm already feeling mentally distrustful or confused - that could be a really complex question to answer.

The way that you phrased it, 

'what's on ur mind, can we talk?' is good because it offers 2 options.

What's on your mind - is really saying, I have time for you. It also gives the patient an opportunity to reflect "hey, what is on my mind?"

Kind of like a thought watching a thought. The suggestion to take a mental step back.

The second part: can we talk? 

I like this because it is easy.

I'm giving you an invitation.

Decline or Accept?

Can you write this down & ask to be addressed like this?

And no, it's not your fault - or my fault. Words are tricky things - listening is not about the words. 

McDonald's chips cold & stale. Thick shake machine is always broken. 

[Appleblossom]

@maddison you put it well ...

@EternalFlower That you said watching scary movies is about practising dealing with fear ... is a huge.

My insight about tears and music was similar ... for my mother and I we both had a lot of early trauma and hypervigilance was needed ... music became an income and way of life ... not sure about her ... but for me I could never really relax with music ... but it does not mean I do not have feelings ... I cry a lot with movies ... but it was a sign of recovery for me that I could experience all the feelings of the music and my tears ... without being overwhelmed, and breaking out sobbing ... yes i am a girl, yes I do have feelings, but have had to live by my wits.

Yep to whoever said feelings are complicated ...

I need to log off, but thank you both for being there ... for me.  The depth of our connection matters.

[Shaz51]

Hugs @Appleblossom ❤ hope you sleep well tonight 

Hello @EternalFlower , @maddison thanks for the hugs back,  I amm feeling a bit awwwww at the moment My awesome friends

[maddison]

Knew about Kesha - had never listened to her B4. Wow. Really powerful song & woman. I like it too. Watch it.

You will never be a statistic @EternalFlower I know this because you are like me. We know how to ask for help.

Right now you are going thru crisis. Yep MH is broken. Exacerbating problems. It must change.

It didn't tell U this earlier - few nights ago, ITT nurse raised Hey voice at me for calling. I was in crisis (obviously) I was frightened. She was angry at me for bothering her 10mins b4 her shift ended. She outright refused to help me.

Mixed experiences following.

This morning I spoke with beautiful nurse. She listened, was compassionate - I was hyperventilating having trouble getting my words out. She said ' it's ok, take your time - I have all the time you need.'

MH is shit. Not all is lost. Your psych today/yesterday they were a bad one.

The good ones are there. They know it's broken, but they are fighting because the believe & ....us. 

It funny U ask about crying. I didn't cry for years. I wondered why. I like couldn't cry. I knew things were sad. 

The last 2 weeks I cry all the time. Not big howling ugly cries. Silent cries. I must have unlocked the tears because they are happening all the time now.

I get that hospital is weird. It's hard to have proper relationships - they are like survival relationships??

Everyone in there is going through extreme moments. It's hard to find connection.

You will get through because unlike Lots of people - you have skills. The treatment you are getting is not right in lots of occassions. That is horrible & wrong. Your skills are getting better every day.

Not as cool as Kesha - I have been listening to little Birdy relapse.......live on the outside, I'll help you through your pain if you help me through mine...

[Historylover]

Hello to you too, @Shaz51. I hope all goes reasonably well, or better, with you.

[Historylover]

I am so pleased you had such a wonderful time, @Appleblossom. I've enjoyed it vicariously.

Not feeling up to much today. Hope to write later.