Trying makes it worse

[EternalFlower]

hi @Appleblossom @Jynx @TAB @Zahlia @tyme @Glisten 

I am not going back to the therapist i decided but the appointment is on monday, i imagine he'll charge me 😞

I don't know what to do coz i'm terrified to contact him out of sessions now to let him know - 

alathough he'd also be angry that i didn't

i'm not going on monday and i'm done.

[TAB]

Good @EternalFlower  sometimes decisions are left to people who are used to being shown around.

Good on you for making a decision when this person was out of bounds

[EternalFlower]

@TAB very proud of myself for making my own choice from my intuiton

[TAB]

That's good @EternalFlower  just may need some follow through, but you will be okay. Well done.

[Jynx]

Nice one @EternalFlower I am hearing so much empowerment in this hun! Big kudos 😊

[tyme]

Take care @EternalFlower .

Have you heard of Phoenix Australia? SANE does a lot of their trauma related training through them. Not sure if you are interested. I'm not sure if they have anything available that may be helpful.

Sitting with you.

[Appleblossom]

Cancel it. Politely, nothing else said @EternalFlower 

I get upset now, when people are paid for no work, or bad work. It only encourages them. They aren’t feeling the consequences of their actions.

[EternalFlower]

hi @Appleblossom i cancelled it politely and he called me today and apologised and said he regrets his choice, wishes he hadn't done it, misread my email and has his own trauma from a previous patient who was litigious and tried to fight with him on small details and feared i was doing similar which i told him i was not.

He said I used legalistic language

I told him i've no access to lawyers, no money, and  no legal knowledge at all - I'm system savvy which he probably picked up on, and with peer work experience in public mental health, I know my rights, which is all it was. I am not trouble making and he said he saw it that way but had a trauma with a previous patient who had lawyers in their family and tried to fight him. i accepted his apology temporarily.

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower That makes sense as his story, but it doesn’t make it right that he gets a single cent for the way he treated you.  Should he still be practising if he can’t separate it out? Whatever the ins and outs of that case, he definitely upset someone else, as well.

Sometimes I use legalistic language or scientific language. It’s often about an attempt to be accurate and a defence against the fear of having all the so called delusions of schizophrenia, which was the diagnosis they dumped on my parents. Under it I am extremely sensitive, vulnerable and definitely have feelings.

Everyone has some pain, but claiming “trauma” as an excuse for being harmful and unprofessional is a problem. I don’t know exactly what went on between you, good luck with your journey.

[EternalFlower]

hi @Appleblossom 

agree and am feeling that way as well - 

i use that language as well or put things in writing because i am used to clinicians lying and trying to trap me with deceptive and leading questions, than claiming i said things i didn't say - 

and blaming it on my personality structure or mental health - 

so if i am clear and precise then it helps me protect myself

i do  not have any lawyers but i have knowledge of mental health systems - i use it to try and protect myself from harm. It has been terrifying to be in situations where my words were't believed and I guess I'm always wanting to avoid that recurring.