Thanks @Former-Member Yes I do feel less alone, reading what you shared. I really appreciate it - wow 1 hour, you put in a lot of effort. It took me ages to write the first post in this thread too.

I can relate to what you said about emotional disconnect & defences - my defences certainly were torn down after the ending of my marriage, & especially after my SA was disclosed for the first time (about 3 months after).

The train wreck analogy, derailed with no clear way forward - really fits. I described (thought of) it as a "can of worms" that had been opened - I could not close the can, or get the worms back in. They slithered away, out of the can...

Yes I have felt much guilt over not seeing Dad far more often, like missing out on many opportunities. You're spot on there.

I did do what I thought was best at the time, what I thought I needed to do - in moving away.

In some sense my relationships over the distance (with family members) have seemed much better than they might have been if I had stayed living there.

I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost your daughter, that's so incredibly hard. I can relate to your experience of everyone running away - that's exactly what happened to me, after my (ex) wife left.

I can relate to what you said about being shattered by memories or flashbacks of childhood SA. I'm sorry to hear that you experienced that. I've never been the same since, that was 6 & 1/2 years ago.

Yes I got your joke about ileostomy/colostomy being ...hitty. That is rather funny.. It was ..hitty.

I lost almost 1/4 of my entire body weight, & came out of hospital looking like a skelton. I had no people to stay with me, & no social support.

Yes it was very hard. That's when Dad flew over to come & stay with me.

It was a major bowel obstuction, a tumor (& volvulus they called it) - although not cancerous, thank goodness. Nothing could get through (it all came up the other way). That's why they had to operate immediately, then again 3 days later (because it went seriously wrong), then again 6 months later - yay I got rid of the stoma & bag.

Yes trauma therapy & healing from trauma takes many years, even decades apparently. Although CBT & some professionals seem to think that things can be "fixed" in just 10 sessions - not true at all.

A candle to remember Dad is a good idea, I've only done that once or twice - I could do that more often. Photos, I've only got one or two - I could use that too. I've had suggestions to write Dad letters, yet I haven't ever written one yet - I would like to.

Relaxation exercises are so important, & grounding - I don't do nearly enough of either of those, I'm still trying to find methods that work for me.

I do a breathing (& mindfulness) meditation briefly once or twice a day - that does help (sometimes quite a lot), although often not enough.

Seeing a psychologist is helpful, although as you said they don't prioritise the grief process. It's largely been left out. I've so far been unable to access any grief supports - I did try for many months, with no result.

Mindfulness exercises on your phone sounds like a great idea, I had not thought of that. I'm still trying to work out how to use (& make the most of) these new "smartphone thingies".

Thanks so much. Hugs to you too, if you would like.

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