@TeejThank you for your flowers and bringing me back to this thread and myself.  I am still far from sure about things but life keeps moving along.

I have only reread half the thread (will do the rest later) but I am overwhelmed by all the love and support I have received here from you ... you as former member ..

and our sages @Faith-and-Hope @Kurra and @Owlunar I never did put that complaint in about leaving the Roman Catholic Church. Just too much happening this year with myself, my brother dying and my son's struggles.  Guess there is some balance with all the business about Pell in the news.  

and @Former-Member Still at work full time, with littlies. That is an impressive gig LADY.

 @Former-Member remember playing piano with your niece? Way back before your mum died? You wrote about it here.

@Zoe7  @Former-Member  @PhoenixRising where is your pic ??

Thank you all for supporting me through a very difficult 2017.  Now I have a mh team but it was all of you who helped me through to be still here.  I really do not feel as suicidal as I used.  I may feel wobbly, delicate, wonky etc etc etc ...Thanks for Bearing with me.

I have been looking behind at culture and motivations styles. Trying to understand the inexplicable. Perhaps that is my denial, resistance to accepting the neglect and the grief. I have been in the bargaining stage for a long time. If I understand it will be different. It is and it isn't.

My tulip distraction phase ...

Thank You