Thanks @IamNotMyMind. 

It sounds like you feel like you're not really being seen and appreciated. That's really hard if there is a breakdown of communication and you're locking horns with your partner at anytime of the year, let alone this time. You're both contributing to the running of the household and you guys both have responsibility and have split the duties, but maybe you're both feeling frustrated for your own reasons.

It's hard to say what your wife is feeling, but maybe her inadequacies or missing having adult conversation, especially with you, the person she's closest too, comes out in crankiness and grumpiness. Women have a lot of pressure on them to be everything, to have a creer and a family, and it's no walk in the park being at home with little kids. Of course it can be a joy, but there are moments when it can be quite stressful and your world feels very small and you can feel disconnected. I don't have kids, but am friends with Mums and they say this is how they feel.  I don't know how you diffuse her reactiveness and bring the conversation back to reasonable. Maybe she feels she is reasonable, I don't know. 

But it sounds like you feel like the Bank and that's pretty much it. And aren't afforded the opportunity to wind down in your own way after a very long day with anxiety. You're such a resilient person to be able to do 13 hour days drenched in anxiety. I can't imagine being able to do that unless it was in a physical job, like as a greenkeeper or dog walker or something. 

Christmas puts the spotlight on our relationships and we have a tendency to scan back through the year and fret about next year. During other times of the year we can delude ourselves, create distractions or bury the sadness. 

But I was thinking about it this morning over a cuppa, and I think for me what's so hard about this time of year is that it puts the spotlight on Truth. Whatever that Truth is for each of us, none of us can escape its glare at this time of year.

Maybe the Truth of your marriage is getting to both of you guys.

It sucks actually having to feel, doesn't it.

Comfortably numb is so much more pleasant.

Corny