Hi,

I'm a mum to a beautiful 7 month old and have managed to fool myself and those around me that I've been coping, the truth is far from it. My husband is ready to leave me as I'm making us both miserable, I can see myself doing it but just can't bring myself out of the black pit to do anything about it. 

At this point I don't know if I have PND or depression or just a case of grief. My mum passed away unexpectantly five weeks before the birth of my child and I don't think I've been able to grieve for her yet. I'm so angry that she's not here to see him grow up and see me grow up either. I'm just plain angry really, I don't remember the last time I genuinely laughed.

I did two sessions with perinatal after bub was born and just found me lying and hating her for making me feel like crap. But I need help and I just don't know where to start. I'm scared of going on antidepressants and wasting the last month I have off work feeling like crap and vacant, but I'm scared of doing nothing and what might happen. I don't have a regular doctor and can't afford visits to a pschologist etc so what do I do?

I feel alone all the time, I'm angry all the time and just desperate.