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You go to the core of my many matters and describe it well. Thanks. I have tried so many things. I took her to a hip hop workshop once and she was just beginning to relax and enjoy herself and then she panicked and said she did not want to finish it, found fault with everything and we left.
I accept that she manages her own life. I respect independence, and was grateful to her partner for being able to support my daughter when she got sick overseas, because I was unable.
You are right that there was too much sadness for us to deal with. She needs to live more and mature to be able to understand. She is very strong and ethical so I hold out hope that we will work it out eventually. I am proud of her maybe one day she can be proud of me.
Re judgement; many people do, but I know what I lived through. I am also a determined and ethical person, and I seriously doubt anybody could have done better in my position.
I recently bought a bag in the opshop called "gossip girl". I dont do it but have often been the focus of it, and have decided to make a personal joke about it. I know the looks .. oh the one with 2 suicides .. and the knowing nod etc. It has hurt in the past but it is actually so unrelated to my guilt that I am starting get a sense of fight back.
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