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@Zoe7 I super love the lifejacket and floaties. That is just what I need.
I feel much calmer now after talking out my muddle in a ridiculously long email to @CherryBomb. I don't think it would have worked so well writing that stuff here - I needed to talk about suicide stuff in a little more detail than is helpful (or even allowable) here in Forum Land. But it is all out now and I feel better for it. It's gone wizzing its way to CherryBomb so now she can have it and it isn't in my brain anymore!
@CherryBomb the email is ridiculously long so I will totally understand if you don't get to look at it tonight...or ever. I think I will probably show it to (A) on Monday. Just the act of writing it out and sending it away super helped.
Thank you @Zoe7 @Shaz51 and @BlueBay for caring about me. I really don't like tagging people when I'm in a muddle because I don't want anyone to feel obliged to respond. There's nothing to say and nothing to be done, I just need to keep swimming. I think I'm going to fall into bed very soon. Once again I have worn myself out with lots of crying, rocking, stimming. Yay for post meltdown exhaustion. Night all. I am going to snuggle in my shell knowing that I am not alone.
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