Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

I know this is supposed to be a 'no response' thread but I can't sit back and 'watch' such a  beautiful soul as you @Maggie be feeling so much pain. You have helped me so much on here - sitting with me, sharing with me, simply just BEING for me. I understand if you feel you need to go - as that is your right to choose - but I certainly hope if that is what you decide that it is a break and not a goodbye. You willl be sadly missed if you choose either of those options - who is going to 'not' clean up after forum parties 

You are an inspiration and a highly valued part of this community Maggie - and I for one care very much for you. The decision is yours to make but I really do hope that you can stay 

[Bubbles3]

this isnt to get attention or anything like that and im writting it in the worry room so i dont get any reponses.

but my problem is

when i talk on here, it feels like no one is listening to me or talking to me.

i do have a problem in my outside life where i have no friends and have no one to talk to so i havee that slight embaressment were i do try to much

but on here it just feels like the same.

i try to interact with everyone on here and it feels like i get no where. it feels like its the same as my outside life. i dont know if its just me and the way i come across. but i try my best to be a part of this forum.

i feel really embarressed about all of this and even just writting all of this on here

i just want to be part of the forum the best i can and have friends on here who i can talk to.

like i said , im not trying to get attention, i just want to talk to people on here

[NatalieS]

Hello @Bubbles3, 

I realise you didn't want a response but I wanted to send a virtual hug your way.  Is that ok with you?

I'm back on the forums again after a break and will chat when I can.  Things are a bit hectic-work fulltime, care for husband despite our relationship falling apart, working on my own issues with a great psychologist-but when I get a chance I like to check in to see what's happening in forum land.  I've found the support here is AWESOME and when things don't work as planned in the real world, this is a place to return to to feel safe and accepted...well, that's what I've found, and missed whilst I wasn't here.

Take care.

NatalieS

[utopia]

Having a bad day. Am jittery, shaky. Feel off. That automatically brings my worries to the front and now my negative self talk is around. Don't know what's wrong with me. Feel teary but can't cry. Don't know what to cry about. Don't know what to do about anything today. My depression is creeping back. I'm very restless. Can't settle. Not even to read. I don't want to sew or colour in. Was hoping the tv would be a diversion. No. Struggling to regulate my breathing. Just have to sit through it.
I might take a prn to help calm my nerves. I forgot about them.

[Former-Member]

I worry that I don't know when it will all stop. The last two night have been new flashbacks but they have been of a different CSA that I had not remembered until now. I worry that I can't cope with it. I worry when will all this end. I don't know how to deal with this new information and have had high anxiety all day. I feel that I am not strong enough to deal with this anymore. I worry what tonight will bring and how I will get through the night safely.

[Adek]

I feel so lonely..

[Appleblossom]

I am angry at the education system for failing my son.

I am angry at the health system for failing my son.

I am angry with his father with whom I had a friendly lunch with in town on family business.  I was not false, when he insisted on telling me which station to go to in my own home town, I politely insisted, and walked away. He loves "putting it" on others, boasts about it. As an ex wife I have watched it done to many people working for his family and had it done to myself.

He is finally "acting" a tiny bit mature, but when tells me he "puts it" on my son, in a way to suggest he is doing something special, or good, I tersely move the conversation on and feel he is lucky I have not throttled him. I dont think he gets how much his attitudes over the last 30 years have made a very big mess for my son. 

I am too patient. He is in his 60s so big deal.  He should have some maturity by that age, not just gray hair and wrinkles.

I am sooooo angry, but will be a good girl and pop a pill, and take the next constructive bit of action necessary.

[TheVorticon]

Why am I literally in tears about having to go buy groceries? I'm hungry but I'm so bad at deciding what to make and it just feels way too hard to get all the stuff I'd need. How did my brain get so broken?

[Former-Member]

i dont exist, i dont matter, i am nothing

[Former-Member]

I have passed my neuro-biological cancer on to my child. Our entire race is sick with it. We are supposed to die, people like me - we are supposed to be much lower on the food chain - not supposed to make it long enough to breed. But breed we do. It is ending the Human race.