Living with Ourselves

[Sophia1]

will certainly follow that up @MDT 

An unknown source so another avenue to explore

always open to new opportunities

thank you 💚

[Sophia1]

Thank you @Appleblossom 

I feel that you connect in different ways which I understand respect wholeheartedly

Part of my dilemma

Have weighed up all perspectives from different angles respecting my loved one at all times

[Sophia1]

yes I understand everything that You are saying @Exoplanet 

Choices when have to be made on the spot are so different to choices that allow us to look at other perspectives.

Irony really because those on the spot could be questionable as are they really choices or just decisions.

deep

yes that is me 

camping being at one with nature is definitely very appealing.

I do not have a tent any more!

[Appleblossom]

@Sophia1

Sorry that your son is having grief and causing grief.

I still have tents and gear. Doubt I will be doing more camping, though I dont mind bunking out in music camps. With Covid issues that will be a while ... The zoo will be back at half capacity and my gardening keep me close to nature. 

I have a mixed relationship as part of me wants to grind myself into the dirt and disappear into the soil with bugs and critters. An old hangover of the punishing I took on from my mother.  It is weird.  In many ways I did a lot better than her, but she did not tolerate any affront, and projected a lot of blame and never any encouragement, so I absorbed a lot without knowing. Her inner life would have been hard and she had her demons.  I only learned the benefit of teflon coating from @Faith-and-Hope (Hi Bella), before that I worked with the more cumbersome images from theology: ST Francis of Assissi and St Therese called the Inner Castle.  I can be deep too. 

In some ways I am lucky, but with "loved ones" it has been an immense trial, so I understand depleted. I am so so sad, but really did my best.  I also experience moments of joy most days.

@Exoplanet 

It is good your girl could say those words to you.  You deserve it and more, but its more good for her to have found the maturity to say it.  My father died before I could say it to him, but he might have seen me desperately running getting a taxi for him when he was very sick so that might have helped.

@outlander

its been a heavy few months for you too.  You give so much of yourself and we love your youthfulness, even if it seems you endure a lot for your age.

I had a lovely moment 2 days ago on my little walk.  I met a group of children playing in the street and on their bikes and we talked and laughed, and they all invited me back to their street.  Maybe my teaching will lift a little now that I dont have to share it with my son while providing him with professional development as well as mothering.  It will be simpler just being me, and I love it.  A wonderful form of work.

My love to you all

Apple

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️ @Appleblossom  .....

Hi everyone 👋💕

Just passing through ..... low energy ..... resting.

Wishing y'all an okay day.

[Sophia1]

Hello all who pass

I am feeling rather despondent and more.

I put so much energy and my own passion into attempting to assist my loved one, family member.

I was so very careful in my approach when talking to others.

A couple of varying professionals seemed in tune with my thinking and wanting to help. I felt that they understood how important this was for myself and family member and wanted to help the journey.

Sadly others did not follow the same principle. Others did not convey stressed emphasis on privacy.

Others chose to use their own forceful approach.

I had told everyone from the start, any inkling and the bird will fly far far away.

So heard the outcome by my following up.

Many abusive calls ensued where I exercised my self care after warning.

Time out again

Now listening randomly when well enough.

Have had some success. In my mind anyway. No abuse. That is success for me.

I have come out of the other side of this momentarily. As the sides and story change without warning.

This new experience has added to my own emerging as recognising bits of "me".

I also find that a voice emerges and speaks up.

Since twin did the dastardly.

I have a feeling of release and yes I actually am a person who is allowed to be different No "difficult for being different".

Life is changing on a daily basis.

I realise that I have always been open to change, perhaps more than the average person. I in some way have been intrigued with change. Now I am starting to benefit from realising that this is so.

Today was good.

Tomorrow is another day, in the future.

[Maggie]

@Sophia1  I am sorry. I can hear how much you love this family member.

No abusive voices inside is most definitely success. 

Follow your heart, though I don’t think you need to hear that, you are doing it very well.

Take care @Sophia1 . Sending lots of 💕💕💕💕

[Sophia1]

Dear @Maggie @Appleblossom @Exoplanet @outlander @Adge @Emelia8 

I always land back here after replying to a few new posts that catch my eye.

I am not able to look each of you up and work out where you are in your lives.

Please write here to me if you do not find this too distressful as you might want to stay closer to certain threads that you have started or follow.

This I understand as ditto.

I cannot navigate the forums like I used to be able to.

I also do not have the time to be on here as often.

It can take me so long to reply as well.

I am here when I can be and like to acknowledge that I think of you and thank you for all of your support.

@Zoe7  I saw your support somewhere but cannot remember where.

I know that you feel the same as me and like to stay close to certain threads. I want to let you know that I understand this also. As is the same with @Bunniekins  oh my goodness you have a new avatar. I am sorry but I do not understand it and it is not green.

Must go.

Time to prepare dinner.

We have to eat to survive.

💚

[Bunniekins]

@Sophia1  Hey Sophia1in the middle of the daisy is a green pea 😄 curtesy of @Zoe7  she dresses pea in all kinds of outfits. This one is particularly cute for spring and summer.  Only the best fashion for pea. Good to hear from you. Do take care of yourself.I hope life is treating you kindly. Love peaxxxx

[Adge]

Hi @Sophia1 I'm always Glad to hear from you.

Yes Dinner....

Munching Cashew nuts - Whilst Sweeping the House (straight after getting home).

Is as far as I've got with any Dinner thoughts (so far).

I'm utterly exhausted.

When very tired (fatigued), I cannot stomach much Dinner or food anyway.

It's a Work in Progress....

Have a Rest (Do a Breathing Meditation) - Then see if I have more energy, enough to eat some Dinner...

Adge