APPROACHING SURE?

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Appleblossom ..... me too ..... 😘💕

Hope you're okay. I know it's a really tough time for you.

💐💗

[Kurra]

In my thoughts and prayers @Appleblossom 💕💜💕

[Former-Member]

Thinking of you @Appleblossom 💜🤗💐

[Appleblossom]

Thank you all so much for your posts and concern @Former-Member @Kurra @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Former-Member

My computer needed replacement as it could only stay online for about 5 secs before it blinked and blacked out. Am back online now, but only popping onto this thread for a while.

Re cousin I spent a few nights grieving for her and communicated with her 2 brothers. She came from a family of lower status like us so it unfortunately also fueled my sense of outrage at the injustices we endured.

I am not sure if my mental state would be deemed psychotic but I flipped out in choir when there was not a seat for me and I could not slip in quietly when I was late. This flipping out business or behaving badly in public is really recent for me .. Then I was so scared I had alienated my last port of call and just so overwhelmed, very teary, shakey and very suicidal.

We were rehearsing in a hospital and a nurse coming off duty asked if I was ok, I mumbled and but eventaully saw the big emergency sign and thought of this forum and decided to present to ED for the first time off my own bat.  Overall it was a very good and caring experience, I waited a few hours, they were probably observing my interactions with other patients. I was in my complete nutcase mode, but harmless and polite and very scared but labile. Triage nurse said I should be seen in 1/2 hour but they were busy and as it got late and they kept me and I missed last train... they were grateful I waited 3 hours. The social worker spoke to me for a couple of hours and then they let me rest til the first morning train. I was glad they didnt just give me benzo.. though some of the stuff I spouted about meds and drugs etc.. probably scared them off that approach.

I was tested for blood alcohol but it was zero, though I had a fundraiser port in choir break just before presenting.

I was badly triggered in ED as there was a young man dripping blood and it reminded me of times with my brother .. so I was sympathising with nurses having to mop up blood etc.

I kept saying "where are all the grown ups?"  So it was nice they covered and cared for me and even gave me a heated blanket.

Dear @Former-Member Thanks for checking in for me a lot.

I also was getting very aggravated and out of control because I was feeling manipulated by sister on facebook.  

You can post "Thinking of you" and it is meaningful to me as a genuine comment becasue we have been in general contact over a year. You really helped break my isolation. My sister posted it on facebook for my birthday. I thought she was doing it for show to the others who were friends.

That was the first comment from my sister in a 20 year stone walling exercise ... my mind kept exploding with all sorts of responses to her .. I had finally calmed myself down and accepted her out of my life and then I had that going on as well as my brother and cousin. I sent her some pictures that suggested some sister similarities, but I think it is best that I stay very quiet around her, as it was getting dangerous. I was feeling dangerous to me ... on roads and on PT.

I think I am ok now have tweaked up meds and very quiet and LOTS of SLEEPING and GARDENING.

I tried to downplay ED incident with son, we are both puddling along.

[Kurra]

So proud of you @Appleblossom. Presenting to ED when you realised you needed help. It's something I've never had the courage to do. I've always ended up being carted off without my consent. The kindness they showed you is also impressive.

I'm hoping the tweaking of meds helps you and I'm really glad that you're taking some quiet you time.

Beside you during this tumultuous period. 💕💜💕👭

[Former-Member]

What an awful week @Appleblossom 😞 i'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. Glad that you took some time to grieve.
I'm sorry that you were overwhelmed by the situation at choir but also glad that you were able to seek the help that you needed right then. ... also glad that they looked after you!
Take care of you gently,
lj

[Appleblossom]

It was just coincidence @Kurra that I was standing under the big brightly lit emergency sign when I was hesitating turning this way and that, scared to cross the road or go on the train. The offduty nurse walked about 75 metres with me and ushered me into the ED.

It probably never would have occurred to me if I had not read about people doing it on this forum.  Though I know some people have bad experiences too.

The upshot of it was that I expressed fear that I would be given the flic by my new pdoc who I have seen once.  Legally they can only tell the GP about my presentation.

One good thing about it .. was that it was the first time since I have had those behaviours that I was cared for by grown ups.  My children should never had to have seen me like that in this day and age .. and I was not hiding anything and trying to connect with the right authorities.

[Former-Member]

Massively proud of you too @Appleblossom. Way to go for the best outcome (with the exception of the triggering incident) you could have had under those circumstances. You've had so much firing all at once. I hope your son is proud too although I suspect he won't see it that way yet. My last admission I had to stress to the boys I'd not SH which then made them appreciate it a bit. 

Take good care of you......sleep and gardening sound good and healthy from where I stand. 💜🤗

[Former-Member]

You're welcome Appleblossom, missed you. Wrote a long post here for you, from my heart, but it disappeared. I so relate to you needing space from the forums, do what you have to to find balance. Sorry about your sister, I have a 'fake' sister too. I stay away from facebook because of her carryon. Just maintain your own integrity Apple. You have good supports here tonight. My birthday last week was horrible, in terms of being alone, and reminded how 'real life people' just drift away over time and others love a chance to twist the kn#fe. 3triggers in one week, here, so nor in my best form, but it really is refreshing to have you come say hi at this time. Wish I could share a duet on the piano with you, sing a duet together. Nice thought. I played piano this wk. you'd be proud of me. Did you see the new jokes on the 🎼 thread? Well, betta go before I say something 'not allowed' (with so many heavies about), hang in there apple. I'm not sure I'll be on the forums much longer, but know i'll see you in the next life. GodBless Hugz xox

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Appleblossom .... 💐💕

So well done following through to the ED, and I am glad it was a positive experience for you. I have been thinking of you and hoping you were managing okay through this tough time of it.

Sending big hugs .... 💗🐬💙💕🐠💜