Lived Experience Forum

[Rockdog]

Thanks @tyme,

i say that too myself every time I have a setback. I need to change it now, but when I can’t I just get so flat. Then I don’t see anything working out. When I think about her at the moment I just feel it is delusional of me. I guess it is so much easier to give up than work towards your ideal life. I will keep working but feel bad about my setback. I need hope to keep me going. Maybe these are just tests to overcome. You see things moving I’m the right direction so I will stick with that. Did you find the nasty times helped you get to where you are now? 

[tyme]

100%, with EVERY setback and fall, I ended up being stronger. I'm not just saying this. It's true. Without each fall, I'd never come to the point of understanding anyone - not even you. 

I no longer see the setbacks as evidence of my failure, but rather, a reminder of the strength I've developed in knowing how to get up again. @Rockdog 

And yes, getting up was hard sometimes, and I needed help - but that's okay.

I certainly would NOT be the person I am today without all the pain I've endured. 

Life is truly amazing. I never thought I'd be able to say this. 

I used to cry and cry at my 'failed' life. Yet now I know all things work together for the best.

Sitting with you.

[Rockdog]

Thanks @tyme ,

I had a bad one, and yes just want to give up and cry. Will try to get back up, but last time I was i the same situation I had her support. Now I don’t and think the dream might be over now. Thanks for helping me keep the hope alive, but I am so far from being who I need to be that I think it might be dead. 

[tyme]

Hey @Rockdog , 

Do you really think this? So there's no more hope?

[Rockdog]

Hi @tyme,

No I will never give up hope. I’m just feeling down. And my new doctor says she probably just had empathy and wanted to help you but that I might have misread the situation because I was clinging onto her. I do still believe it deep down in my heart, but my own sadness gets in the way. I shouldn’t be putting out the negative energy or maybe it will derail things. If she runs into me at the moment she would see a total mess. Why would someone so beautiful be interested in me? I didn’t misread things did I? I mean we both got into trouble so it wasn’t just me. 

[tyme]

Precisely @Rockdog . Everyone knew about it. So it can't have been a misunderstanding.

[Rockdog]

Thanks @tyme ,

so hold on and it will happen?

[tyme]

Yes @Rockdog  dear. 

But you need to believe it too. You can't live off my beliefs... it has to be a reality to you. 

[Rockdog]

Hi @tyme,

I know I’m a broken record but I do get lost and need reassurance because of the way things ended, and what other people say. I then think maybe she didn’t feel the same way. Then it wouldn’t matter what I think and it drives me crazy. I also sometimes get so down on myself that I can’t see anything in my life working out. I then sort of give up. It is really funny you just said it needs to be a reality to me, because I was just watching an inspirational speech by Steve Jobs today where he said you need to follow what is in your heart. As soon as he said it I felt it. Then you said that so maybe that is a sign. I know if I didn’t have her in my heart I would have let it go long ago. Anyway I hope you are well and i’m so greatful to have you on my side. Take care 

[tyme]

There are simply too many 'signs' for it to not be true @Rockdog . However, I can see her actions were a reflection of perhaps fear of consequences?

Fear causes us to behave in ways we normally wouldn't. 

As I've said in the past, if I only spoke to you for 30 mins, I'd tell you to move on...but because I've heard so much more, it's just too true not to be. It can't be denied. Actions speak louder than words..

But yes, you must believe. No one else can do the believing for you.