Hi @Maggie
It is so wonderful how we can open up and just be ourselves here - a very rare and special thing. Write away as much as you like as I like talking to you too. I have never been so open with anyone except my husband. It's a good thing.
A lot of famous song writers, one coming to mind is the lead singer of "Sting", said they write music at their best when in a dark place. All those unsaid emotions come gushing out on paper as a magnificent piece of creativity that can speak to many. Writing is very therapeutic. Speaking of which when I improve I will have to write something here for the collaborative writing adventure. Life gets in the way too much for me lately.
Oh that's wonderful that the depression eases enough at times for you to feel joy. Just proves it's there and possible. This is a great thing. I have little spurts but lately this year feel nothing. It goes from being flat to a little more uplifted then flat again. But I was good last year - I can get there again 😊 And your inspiration and friendship helps. Mine is mostly the strain of my daughter's issues and behaviour and my husband's ill health. I can't imagine life without him, that's when I have to pull back to living in the moment or I will go down. And I then have to trust God will look after me in the future, that is where my faith has to kick in. When I was an atheist all those years I never had that and it's a strength. Sometimes all that keeps me going.
Being open with each other here does so help, as you said we both know we are not alone. And we are not. It's a special connection. When I found my faith some years back I actually joined a religious order as an noviciate for a short while. But realised it was not meant to be for me. We have much in common. I have never told anyone that but my best friend. Whom by the way rang me and wants to see me this afternoon. Which is good, she wants to fix things. I feel so relieved as we have been good friends for fifteen years and the added grief of losing hat friendship would of scarred me. I will let you know how it goes.
My Chinese friend and work mate is the best. There are only few people in this world like her and you. I have never done those fun things you mentioned as because of my childhood abuse I could not keep friends for long, and I drank a lot then as a result. So never did those normal fun things. I use to love to dance a lot though and sing/act. It wasn't good but I worked it out and like the me now. I always wanted to have movie days with friends at my home but usually it ends up with playing cards, talking and laughing over a few drinks. My limit is two, I always have to be careful there and I am sensible there now. Too much alcohol is just a depressant making everything worse.
I shudder at the thought of the homeless in any situation let alone freezing conditions. Too cruel for me. If that is happening too much a society is losing its humanity. Not good. We do our best to counteract their pain. Most who see us sleep in a car. Or they pitch a tent in a national park but are moved on. I would like to take them all in but the reality is mostly for many different reasons, not just substance abuse or mental illness, it is not safe to do so or risky. As being human they can take advantage. I don't judge them as I know but by the grace of God go I and I feel their pain. But we have to protect ourselves, that's just the reality. But if I can get them housing I will. It should not be up to the individual as we all pay taxes, and that should be put back into society where most needed helping firstly the disadvantaged. We need more affordable housing. Sorry, this issue runs deep with me and I can get carried away. It's so heartbreaking. But the resilience of these people can be amazing and inspirational as well.
For some reason though others doing it tough doesn't seem to lift me out of depression, not sure why as they are a lot worse off. But I could make my whole life nearly about helping them. It's so deeply ingrained in me.
I must look into the social worker option, we don't have any at our community centre which strikes me as odd. Probably due to funding cuts, the government is always cutting essential services to give corporations tax cuts. I better not get started again lol. But I will see if I can chase a good one up and see what options I have. My daughter is being chased for debts and she just doesn't respond normally. I think there is a chance she could end up in jail and I don't know what else to do. I have advised of all the different places she can apply for loans whom help people in her situation, she just will not fill in the form or do anything. I can't force her. Presently it seems hopeless and she worries me and brings me down. How is she to live alone? What a situation.
No one knows what is causing my husband's constant pain. He has cancer but presently that doesn't seem to be the cause thankfully. He just keeps having more tests, hopefully they will find what the problem is. So hard to watch and feel helpless.
Sounds like you had a lovely day out in the van with your friend. She sounds like a good thing in your life. I have another friend I see weekly at bingo and she lives all alone with no family but her three little dogs. She is thinking of moving further up north to live on acres. I asked did she know anyone to which she replied," that does not matter, I am used to being alone". I think she is amazing. Secretly I would miss her greatly, as she saids she misses me, but would never attempt to hold her back. I get attached no doubt but I can't be selfish. She is the best type of friend, who gives of her time freely because she is alone and now retired. So many have no time because of children, grandchildren, work etc to be there a lot. I always warm more to people who live alone, there is a mutual need even though I have a partner. They become my family.
My friend will be here in a moment so must fly, will post soon to let you know how it goes. Hope your day is filled with moments of joy and I look forward to hearing about it. Hugs xx
