Life

[Appleblossom]

Hang in there @Former-Member

You are right though ...

there are some things we sign on the dotted line for and others we dont.  Going through my annulment process was useful in helping me wade through those kind of issues about promises and commitments in relationships and what they really mean etc...

[PeppiPatty]

Great message @Appleblossom
To precious Lisa Jane
Who has great values ....... Precious @Former-Member

[PeppiPatty]

@Former-Member
You are so much of a better person ...... You may not believe it but I know.. When you talk of not ..... In a nutshell ...... Talking of not managing ...... It brings back so many memories of how me and other people think when going through a tricky manipulative time.
On relationships it feels like you are doing so so much better than what I did ..... I don't want anything to change though ...... Your ...... Inward push to recover ..... It is good to read it
Always thinking about you. Today I was doing Anne things and I thought of yesterday when @LittleBuddha + me were getting our car cleaned out..... I almost laughed out loud when we were ordering glass ice coffees ...... I could just see you asking your kiddies, ( my names for them ...... Bill and Ben ) who wants icecream ? Who wants milk ?


It took me over 15 years to meet my soulmate ..... @littlebudda

[Former-Member]

Thank you everyone, it means so much that you're here. It's been an awful day of stuff from family court. The hearing is tomorrow so I just need to get through to hear what it will all end up as. But I'm just completely devastated as my mental health is being blamed for all of my sons difficulties. The courts really don't seem to recognise the damage that domestic violence can have on children even if they aren't physically on the receiving end. I'm also feeling guilty and overwhelmed because I know I should have done more, left sooner, etc and to have all of that written down is just hurting so much. I'm doing everything that I can but its not enough.

[Appleblossom]

Sorry its tough @Former-Member.

I am interested though not pleased, to learn that mothers are being pressured about why they did not leave abusive relationships sooner ... there are enough mixed messages about staying and leaving for that to be a huge and sensitive issue.

The family court may reflect changing social attitudes but it should acknowledge that fact and the diversity as to what those values are.

[Former-Member]

It's more of a total ignorance of the reason why I left in the first place. There is no consideration of the fact that there was d v because he didn't injure the children physically. So they just pretend it is t relevant becaisev a father has rights.
I'm so tired of fighting and I really thought it would all be slowing down now that the appeal is over I thought that it would help but it's just going to go on and on and I don't have anything left in the tank . I'm so tired

[Appleblossom]

All I can say is conserve your energy, breathe, and prepare for the long haul ... whatever it takes. 

Somehow imagine how it will be when you come out the other side.

[Former-Member]

I'm not sure how to make sense of everything I'm just feeling like it's all too hard and I'm so overwhelmed with all yhe waiting

[Shimmer]

Oh @Former-Member, it does sound like such an overwhelming and exhausting time for you right now! I'm sorry that the family court proceedings are dragging on. How did the hearing go today?

That's terrible that your mental health is being blamed for your son's difficulties, when of course domestic violence has a huge impact on children, whether or not they are physically harmed themselves. You said you are feeling guilty for not doing more/leaving sooner. I'm not familiar with all of your history but it sounds like you yourself were in such a difficult situation, I can only imagine that you did the very best you could at the time. Remember, we can only make decisions based on the resources and information we have in that moment, even if we wish we could have done otherwise later. Try to be kind to yourself

Is there anything you could you do during this waiting period to look after yourself @Former-Member? How have you managed to cope so far?

Keep looking after yourself @Former-Member, our thoughts are with you.

Shimmer

[Former-Member]

I have to have independent psych assessment and I'm not allowed to go into any of my four year olds counselling sessions unless his psychologist writes to the court to say that it's beneficial for him for me to be there and a mountain of other stuff that I need to read over carefully. But no overnight time with their dad just day light hour visits until my sons psychologist makes a recommendation to the court later... I think but haven got all the orders yet. I'm still feeling like I'm being made out to be the villain or terribly parent. He's being sentenced on the 17th and I'm just hoping that it includes some form of anger management/counselling that will help him with the kids but he still refuses to admit he did anything and I don't know if that's because he really still thinks it's all my fault, he didn't do anything wrong or he's just trying to save face - but I don't even know if counselling wil help him and in terrified hell snap with the children one day and I'm not going to be there. Im trying not to fall apart as that just gives them more stuff to throw at me but I'm so I don't know
The mental health support worker said things will get better but I can't see it