https://uhs.berkeley.edu/sites/default/files/relationships_personal_boundaries.pdf
1 Provided by TherapistAid.com
Personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. A
person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are
also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships.
A person who always keeps others at a distance (whether emotionally, physically, or
otherwise) is said to have rigid boundaries. Alternatively, someone who tends to get too
involved with others has porous boundaries.
Common traits of rigid, porous, and healthy boundaries.
Rigid Boundaries Porous Boundaries Healthy Boundaries
Rigid:
Avoids intimacy and close
relationships.
Unlikely to ask for help.
Has few close
relationships.
Very protective of personal
information.
May seem detached, even
with romantic partners.
Keeps others at a distance
to avoid the possibility of
rejection.
Porous:
Overshares personal
information.
Difficulty saying “no” to the
requests of others.
Overinvolved with other’s
problems.
Dependent on the opinions
of others.
Accepting of abuse or
disrespect.
Fears rejection if they do
not comply with others.
Healthy:
Values own opinions.
Doesn’t compromise values
for others.
Shares personal
information in an
appropriate way (does not
over or under share).
Knows personal wants and
needs, and can
communicate them.
Accepting when others say
“no” to them.
Most people have a mix of different boundary types. For example,
someone could have healthy boundaries at work, porous boundaries in
romantic relationships, and a mix of all three types with their family. One
size does not fit all!
The appropriateness of boundaries depends heavily on setting. What’s
appropriate to say when you’re out with friends might not be appropriate
when you’re at work.
Some cultures have very different expectations when it comes to
boundaries. For example, in some cultures it’s considered wildly
inappropriate to express emotions publicly. In other cultures, emotional
