Trying makes it worse

[Appleblossom]

Hope you find what you are looking for @maddison 

I was out at a community meal with some friends.  One fellow there was from a meditation place I went to in my late teens.  So your I AM meditation link feels very timely. Uncanny even.

I had a good day even tho my support co-ordinator cancelled with only 15 mins notice and then I forgot the next appointment.  I do not do quick changes well any more.  I went to the meal for the social rather than the food, but grateful for such organisations when times are tough. My friend who just got out of hospital was there and made a beautiful feeling just with her presence and being silly with me and another as we walked to our cars. 

@EternalFlower 

Good you are making the room reflect you. 

Thought you might like a picture of the type of dog that is moved into our street.  He is beautiful lab poodle cross and loves his back and neck rubs.

[EternalFlower]

Hi @maddison @Appleblossom @Former-Member 

@Historylover

Hope everyone is ok tonight ...and having an ok week.

The room feels better @Appleblossom I liked one artwork I did . There's nothing really to hang it on and no supplies like tape , so I hung it from a key which locks my possessions. I made a hole in it. It changes the room from a white, blank, attack on the eyes, to an almost -bedroom if you squint...

Sounds like you've done some cool stuff that U now reconnect with ppl years later ...I hope it was someone U had good memories with . It is hard sometimes to see ppl from the past but sometimes very affirming 

.

Honestly @maddison the place is better without that guy 

I'm proud I could spot that he was toxic . He would introduce himself to every person he'd meet in a very overly -familiar way and the boundaries weren't there .

Interesting hm also enjoys socialising in hospital...it's very fun I think for most ppl. They discourage us from making friends but then they are judgey to me about not making friends is this is some deep issues I have with others and I need to learn to make friends etc .. 

I think they enjoy it when we make friends even though much of it is toxic. Im ok hanging out with others but don't get too into it.

I think wise that ur using this time to find new resources . You've got this, eventually you'll find something !

XxEF

[EternalFlower]

Hi @TAB still in hospital here 

Hasn't been the best unfortunately and still feeling upset and down here.

have been sedated a lot and I am not sure if that's the best long term but it is hard to relax here without.

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower 

Made me smile that you wrote "  to an almost -bedroom if you squint..."

Socialisation is different for everyone.  Social skills are not just about introductions or manners. Social position can play a big role.

The guy from 40 years ago was a lovely guy when young and has a good reputation now as a leader in a sect that got a lot of ridicule. I did not want to join the sect and that was alright.  I did not have much to do with him but it was one of those little positive memories in life that are a relief from all the cynical types out there.  It was an interfaith event.  When someone asked me which I belonged to I said ... all of the above....lol

There was a couple I see on and off over last 15 years. We are friendly but not close. The have plenty issues but are a bit arrogant one was a judge the other tertiary lecturer, both retired.  Though we have similar outlooks and do run into each other a bit, there early privileged life experiences make them a bit awkward around me.  I figure I am their equal. Learning the boundary of how close to get and not to hope for more.

There were 8 people, (2 women and 3 couples from2 churches that are merging) ... long story. It was pleasant and convivial and the one lady who is making lots of friendliness is just lovely tho she is quite frail and just out of hospital. The bully lady I need to confront will happen on Sunday. I hope I do not chicken out or go overboard. 

[Appleblossom]

Not up for a random listening @TAB gotta headache.  Seems to be getting worse, so I just do my airy fairy thing.  Too weary of BS to even roll my eyes.

You gotta do wotcha gotta do to get thru atm

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Appleblossom @maddison @Former-Member 

He sounds nice @Appleblossom and interesting

Can just picture the uppity couple. Like that U hold ur own. I guess we sometimes cave to weird ideas of power. It's something I feel in the hierarchy of the hospital . Drs get a lot of praise for doing basic things...like showing up, for which they get paid much more than nurses, who carry the weight.

I had a really good nurse while I was struggling and she was crucial to me. Dr said weird phrases that meant not much, tbh! As U said projection . A big word for them. Nurses never stay stuff like that they just hold U where U are at.

Hey @maddison hope ur doing well, are U ok? It is hard to be in empty house. Not sure if U were able to speak to hm or it's been a full break? I hope U take care of urself as U accomplished so much and we're so integral to getting hm care.

Here today I did some art, and journalling which really helped me. We have access to art materials etc but I feel deeply self conscious about my ,'skills'. I honestly feel like they judge my crappy work that I've put on the walls. 

No one to visit today, so I don't think I'll be allowed to leave . I can try but not even sure I want to. It's too much effort and jumping through hoops to get it approved . Dr is meant to come today but he is on his own timezone and space continuum. He comes in like a hurricane and otherwise nowhere to be found. 

He has other patients to visit so that has improved things . He used to have just me. But now there are quite a few of us that he is the consultant for.

[maddison]

Thanks for your support @Appleblossom I felt you really meant it. That's a rare a special occurrence for me (& prob all of us!) Won't write too much. Headaches & reading bad mix. Will leave my ponderings for when you are better.