rough time

[Snowie]

@outlanderit is hard to help people with just words sometimes and I guess that is the risk we take with being on here. All we can do is try. But at the end of the day people have to want to help themselves.

I really do not know how you do everything that you do. Something has to give hun, and you need to put yourself and you physical and mental health first.

[Appleblossom]

Just a pretty pic. I did a birding course yesterday.

@outlander

Sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. I believe you have too much responsibility on your shoulders. I also know how hard it is to just shift it elsewhere.  Explaining to your sisters that you love them but cant take as much care all the time, might encourage them to grow and mature a little.

You are such a bright helpful presence in the forum.

Take plenty of care of you.

[Sans911]

Hi @Appleblossom-it's nice to see you around.

[outlander]

sorry @Snowie i ended up with a nose bleed- usually i only get those in dry humid heats its not hot here so not sure. then ended up just having a shower to calm abit. 

i guess your right with the risk we take with others here, it just gets hard sometimes that you cna be helping but sometimes it feels like words mean nothing too. 

oh you also asked somewhere about the social group.... i think ill go next week and then maybe call it quits. im there 2 and abit hrs and i barely say one word there. my presence doesnt feel welcome. the convos out of the entire 5 hrs total are the ones ive told you about last time and on tuesday this time i was asked 2 different questions. one was did you enjoy yoga- i answered it was ok but not for me and before i could even ask them anything it was oh thats ok and walked away. i was left standing in either the kitchen or their 'hall' by myself half the time. only 4 were there this time and it split the original group apart so basically they were singles but it didnt help. i tried to iniciate a convo on a topic brought up the topic was changed before i even had a chance to say anything. and when someone was describing there neck injury i listened and said that must be awful and can relate abit to what your saying from an experience i had. they said oh thats a shame and walked away. so basically the entire time im there i am either left out, made to feel akward and i just dont say anything else and just give a small polite smile as a response twhen people look at me. i dont know what else to do really. some of the sessions i think could i could benefit from on a lifestyle perspective like budgeting but i think other than that i prob wont go and im good at my finances anyway. 

ive worked out the best i can with the second job, its extra cash in hand so i can save to do another course plus fix my car without having heaps of pressures to go with it.  being a carer has always had pressures but i cant really do a heap about those, and sisters i usually only have of a morning and yet again tomorrow morning i go over to their house and help out and take them to school. and usually one day of a weekend. its so hard in the mornings to get up and get motivated. its like ive just nodded off and its time to get up and drive and run around again. the afternoons have become abit easier as i dont really watch them then

i feel like this..

[Sans911]

@outlander - I'm a bit out of the loop with what you and Snowie shared, and that's not a request to know either. I just can't comment on what I don't know.

Crying is a release outlander; don't try to stop it. And shutting down won't help either. Whatever is bothering you will still be there next time. You know we don't mind if you vent-this is your safe space to be vulnerable and let out those, fears, concerns, worries, thoughts. You'll always have someone willing to listen. We don't always need advice, just a listening, caring ear can suffice.

And not everything we go through needs to be part of our growth. Sometimes life just hurts in that moment, and we need to be held in a space of comfort and safety until we are okish again and the volume of the intense feelings are turned down.

[outlander]

pretty pic, thank you @Appleblossom did you find the birding course interesting? the bird in your pic looks abit like a honeysuckle bird.... 

its is really hard tos hift it anywhere and trying to do therapy and gps and pdocs and coming off medications and changing new ones. its frustrating. i have been meaning to go for another blood test. i got sent away from the last one from collapsed veins and to come back after ive rested and hyrdrated again but i havent been back. another 3 weeks and ill have to get another one done anyway. makes me sick. 

i dont know how else to shift anything anywhere and i am trying- or so i think anyway- to make a better life, to reduce stress but it doesnt seem to be working. hopefully something gives soon

thank you for stopping in too since i know things have been abit rough for you too

[outlander]

its ok @Sans911 was just another thread that was really hard hitting. i can tell you but not on this thread i dont feel safe exactly on this thread. but its in the past so am jsut moving forward. i cant save everyone even if i tried. just had an empath moment as you call them. 

it is hard, sometimes i dont know whats best. sometimes i do things without thinking or letting me emotions get the best of me. i seem to be lacking judgement in quite alot of areas lately- see above msg to snowie about the social group... 

i find here with you guys comforting. i have my safe place in my own head that shared before but wont repeat others might get upset but we know what that is. it would be relaly nice if things werent so intense right now. it is making me feel quite sick tbh and causing pain in my right kidney area again. 

[Snowie]

@outlanderthat sucks a lot about the social group but give yoursefl some credit. You went and treid it. That is all we can ask of ourselves.

I was reading along hun, you r were helping, but as I said people need to want to help themselves first and realise too that they need help. 

What @Sans911 wrote was spot on, couldnt have said it better myself

[outlander]

yeah i guess so @Snowie it just feels like another fail at life. its not helping my mh so i think after the craft session next week im done. ive paid up till then but its not really a young womens group nor is it that welcoming either. 

thanks for saying i was helping  

so i guess for now i can sit here in my little comfort zone and be with you guys until i can expand out again and gain some control over myself 

[Snowie]

@outlander @Sans911

am very drained from today and conversations with little people and others. Have taken meds early so am logging off for the night.

I hope you get some sleep tonight and have a good/ok/okish night.

Goognight my two very specials sis, always sitting with you two