Hi @Former-Member Thanks for your message. I understand the feelings/emotions that you mentioned you go through, Sherry. It is a very difficult journey. Do you have anyone that is able to help you through?
I am finding the group and private counselling very helpful. I found this group by googling, "help for complex PTSD").
That's great that you go to yoga/pilates. I used to go to a class, but now I just do it at home. And good on you for doing the volunteer work. I tried doing volunteer work a while ago (office/reception work). Something on TV triggered me and I had to stop working, haven't tried since. I thought it best that I get myself a bit more on top before I attempt it again. Once I start something, I don't like to give up, so it was very difficult for me to start, then stop. What triggered me, was, I saw the man who attacked me on the news. Anyway, I won't go into it, but he is in jail now.
I guess, that all we can do at the moment is be gentle with ourselves and search for answers to be well again.
Sorry that you are feeling sad. I think that the best thing you can do for yourself when you feel like this, is to let the tears out. Allow yourself to cry. It is tiring, but you hopefully will feel better for it. 
I hope that you are ok @Former-Member Do you have anyone that can help you through the fear?
@Faith-and-Hope You are amazing how you keep on marching forward despite difficulties. You have so many people to care for at home and you still find time and compassion to encourage people on the forums. Sending you love and hugs.
I was only 14 when the first attack happened, so trusting and innocent. Silly me thought that my brother would protect me, but he was/is a self centred/selfish drunk. Keeping in that horrible secret until my 30's has caused such a traumatic life for me. Now it's up to me to make sure that I find health, peace and happiness. It's a slow, frustrating journey, but at least I am going forward.
Thankyou everyone for being there, it helps to share my journey with you and I hope that I can be of help to you too. xoxo
So glad to hear that the meeting went well @Former-Member Hopefully you can relax and enjoy your evening with yummy take away. Sounds like you need an early night.
Hi there @Former-Member @Appleblossom I hope that your day is going well. Wet and rainy here, but I had to put air con on, as it is so humid.
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Hi @Mazarita Sorry you're having a crappy day. I read on Night shift that you suffer with chronic fatigue. I have that as well. I had glandular fever and kept working (not realizing) and ended up with chronic fatigue/fibro myalgia. I don't tell people in the "real world". Comments I had in the past were, oh, I get really tired too. Oh my gosh! It's not, just being very tired, as you know.
I hope you're having a nice rest, I do understand that resting can be very boring and frustrating. I have learnt when I need to push myself and when I need to rest. People have no idea unless they've had it themselves. It's not something that can be explained to people who haven't had it. Thinking of you.
Hi @Former-Member, thanks for the understanding, though sorry to hear you have chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. Had my support worker here today and we also talked about when to push, when to go easy. Not always clear with me. Talking to her has picked up my mood and I'm about to get in the shower and get a lift to a friend's. Another mutual friend has a son who is studying massage so we are both getting massages from him tonight at her place. Something to look forward to. 
Hope everyone's evening has some good moments.
Oh that's good @Mazarita that you're feeling a little better. I hope that you enjoy your evening.
I just realized that I said that I know when to push myself and when not to, well, I don't really, haha! I try. Sometimes when I feel ok, I go out and stay out way too long and pay for it for sometimes days.
Oh @Former-Member It was very muggy here yesterday .. a bit better today. Hi @Former-Member @Former-Member
@Gilgamesh Cool that you got it from your dad .. my dad took me to national gallery and library and beaches but we were pretty poor and then he died when I was 11. I did not know anyone who had been to uni but heard that we were allowed to do 10% under or over a word count, and that lecturers preferred those who answered a Q under the limit. So I made that my approach .. basic scientifc literalism!
It takes one to know one!
@Former-Member Put me on the bloomin spot woman!
We feel and think different things as we respond to the totality of being alive. Our bodies and minds are flooded with desires, some material, sensual, familial, or social. Our brains' job (parasympathetic system) becomes filtering thoughts, perceptions and regulating behaviour. Sometimes we are flooded with feeling like an unreasonable toddler wanting the world at his/her beck&call. To reduce everything to questions of gender I believe is too simplistic, but many do. Our mind develops a framework to manage and poor old frontal cortex can get overload when things dont mesh well or add up.
We do want to avoid any Cartesian dualistic notions btw. Our minds can also be a site of escape and relief and not always alienated. ie I am a bookworm but also live in Western suburbs so have to relate to Dumb & Dumber.
I did do courses in 1980s called "Desire and Discourse" and "Politics and Art" .. trying to sum up.
I like the artist Picabia's allusion to the Buddhist 3rd eye.
Yay for coffee time .. wish I'd met you guys at Tiamos back then.
