Frank Discussion of BPD: *WARNING* May be confronting

[soul]

My partner was originally diagnosed with bipolar. I guess it's the more "common" and "accepted" condition. What is a diagnosis anyway? Unless a doctor is observing a client over a lengthy period of time, a diagnosis is just made based on what is said, how a series of questions are answered and perhaps a couple of interactions.

Whilst I have no psych qualifications whatsoever, after extensive research and living experience, I have come to realise that he fits the description of BPD down to a tee. It's as if they were describing every facet of his being. The only thing that he doesn't exhibit is acting on suicidal thoughts. His religion dictates that suicide is the absolutely worst thing you could ever do, more so than murder so whilst he hates life he had never attempted suicide. 

What I couldn't cope with was his violent nature which would come out of nowhere. It wasn't as if we argued and there was a gradual build up. It would occur when I'd least expect it and once it started it was like a bomb going off. There was absolutely nothing I could do to calm him down. 

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member   exactly.. labels that are helpful are fine.  But labels that are thrown out for the sake of it or because it might "look" like that can be stigmatising.  And unhelpful in developing therapies not to mention unwarranted medications.

@Former-Member  I belileve my partner was as bad as it gets.  I don't want to put what I believe he is in here, but I am sure about what I think he was/is and it is NOT confined to BPD, not at all.  Oh I think he is astute and was able to trick the psychiatrist who diagnosed him, because he plays the victim very well.  But he is definitely not pure BPD and although needy yes, he also is very devious and manipulative which is why I know his psychiatrist was duped.

[Former-Member]

Yes absolutelt @Former-Member - that's the thing. They can be used 'against' people, and BPD is very much one of those that I feel often does get used against people. I am so sorry you feel it too. It is just so not ok. 

I feel myself holding back from a total rant about everything that I don't think would be helpful for me or anyone else. But I want to scream with frustration for you @Former-Member, for you and your partner @Former-Member, for me... BAH!

[Former-Member]

Exactly @soul and thank you for joining us.  Hence the manipulative nature of my "ex" I believe just told the psychiatrist what he wanted to hear and voila.. BPD.  

[soul]

@Former-Member - what confused/puzzled/annoyed/frightened me was that my partner, although he could have a beef with other people only chose to take it out on me. Is that manipulative? Was he using me to release the hurt from his childhood? I often asked him what was going through his mind during those abusive episodes but he could never tell me. 

[Former-Member]

I think @Former-Member  the worst part is there is a stigmatism about BPD which also makes the diagnosis unhelpful. Do you think you are put into a "cliche" because of it and aren't listened to as an individual because of it. Do you think it makes people assume things about you rather than actually listening to what you are saying?

[Former-Member]

@soul  you'd have to elaborate on that a bit, but that sounds very much like manipulative behaviour. Was it like he had a mask to them and it came off with you?

[soul]

Is it helpful to actually have a diagnosis such as BPD. Can therapy be more effectively targeted because of  that diagnosis?

[Former-Member]

@soul I don't think it is manipulative. I'm not standing up for them because it doesn't make it right but I think I get it. I wish I didn't. When my anger, usually at myself, ever did come out it was to my ex and my kids. It's much more controlled now but I turn that anger when it gets too aroused back on myself and SH or get involved with lots of SI. I blamed a lot until I heard my kids parrot me quite a few years ago and realised something was wrong. I worked hard at changing that part. 

[Former-Member]

I am infuriated for you @Former-Member, for more reasons than one. And I can see why it might be so important to you that people are able to be diagnosed correctly. 

@Former-Member - I read your story and found it an amazing read thank you for sharing it. I have never spoken to anyone with DPD as their diagnosis and read on with a bucketload of empathy and a heap of interest. I am not so sure that's helpful to hear and I am sorry if it isn't, but you opened my eyes to another world of pain that could easily be used against someone.

@soul - I am sorry you too have been through it. I think the fact that your partner was able to control their behaviour around everyone else except you, tells me that's abuse and not mental illness. Just my opinion though, and my perspective.