Frank Discussion of BPD: *WARNING* May be confronting

[Former-Member]

@soul   I think that very much depends on the individual.  I think if you take @Former-Member, she would be a great person to ask about therapy and it's effectiveness because I know she very much wants to make changes.

My ex.. well no.. because if he went to therapy he'd just lie to the therapist anyhow cos he didn't want to change.  Oh he of course said he did...  but it was cr@pola. 

[Ali585]

I also hate the label and the stigma. But I also say that I do fit the diagnostic criteria and finding someone who specialises in treating BPD (in my case with MBT) has been amazing.

[soul]

@Former-Member - he came across as the most gentle and sensitive person. He doesn't  have a large, muscular stature but when he was in that manic sort of state of mind, he was very powerful. I am fairly petite and never fought back (it's not in my nature to) 

There were times he started to stop himself and say he wasn't going to hurt me but it was as if he couldn't stop himself. The first time he was extremely apologetic and horrified but then after each subsequent occasion he didn't seem to be that remorseful. He underwent some "realisation" (confronting his demons so to speak) and assured me that violence was no longer a part of him and I believed him. Then it happened again in a really awful manner. That's when I knew that I would never be safe again. 

[Former-Member]

Absolutely people making assumption. DPD is worse. I'd often feel like a leper when someone found out and stepped away from me scared like I was going to cling on to them. It has nearly killed me a heap because I'm kind of the opposite. The Fear of abandonment and rejection arcs up and I end up in SI territory. My current therapist has helped me so much because I'm always treated like a person first but as I'm tied into a community mental health team I frequently experience feeling like a leper. 

[Former-Member]

And I have just realised that my emotions are probably getting in the way of me being able to participate properly in this conversation. I should have sought more information from you @soul before jumping to that. 

I am sorry if what I have just said hit something for you @Former-Member. Reading your previous response after I posted mine, I can see how that might happen. Please know it's my own crappy experience and high alert that pushed me in that direction

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member  this is where real BPD differes from my ex "BPD"  he lied.. he was a pathological liar to the point that even when it didn't benefit him, he still lied.  So in his case it was manipulative.  He deliberately wore a mask so others wouldn't see what he was really like.  He even admitted it to me.  His mother thought he was perfect, his father ..no so much.  He hated his father because his father called him out on his behaviour.. he ran to his mother because she was always feeding him and even lied for him.

[Former-Member]

While I have seriously appreciated the honesty and experiences shared in this space tonight, and thank you all for being part of it, it is way way time for me to step away now and try and chill myself out a bit. Nice reminder here to check in with myself sometimes, preferably a little earlier next time!

Night all

[Former-Member]

@Ali585  hello to you.. can you perhaps share some of your story with therapy and how it has helped you?

[soul]

My ex would say that I needed to take some responsibility for his behaviour - that I had made him upset and he had to act the way he did.

One moment he would say that I was perfect and the next I was the devil incarnate. It was typical black or white thinking. He would tell me to leave and when I attempted to or needed some space he would prevent me from doing so in the most horrific ways. 

[Former-Member]

@soulidentical to me.   He would say he wouldn't do it anymore.  We would spend hours talking it through. talking strategies, talking how it affected me, how it affected him.. then 20 mins afterwards..    bang he'd be off again. it was like beating my own head on a wall, watching it bleed and beating it again and again and again.. until finally I said.. enough.  This is a never ending cycle of hell.